


Breakfast at midnight

by beeseven



Category: GOT7
Genre: (once again), Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, PWP, Pining, Whipped Jaebeom, almost no plot but smth i guess, oh btw jb is like 4 years older than yj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeseven/pseuds/beeseven
Summary: “Where’s my breakfast, Jaebeom! Jaebeom, wake up, I’m hungry,” someone is shaking him, Jaebeom’s head is pounding and someone just won’t let him sleep.Jaeebom opens an eye just to see Youngjae hovering over him, “shut up, get your breakfast yourself,”“Jaebeom, that’s rule number one, I fuck you and clean you up, you make me breakfast, what is not clicking?” He can’t believe what he hears.“Can’t believe you’re fucking me for breakfast. You’re a way better cook than me, why don’t you make it?” Jaebeom huffs annoyed.“Because that’s not the rule,” Jaebeom thinks it's ridiculous, Youngjae can't be serious, but he kinda knows he is.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 13
Kudos: 63





	Breakfast at midnight

**Author's Note:**

> \- i don't like tagging who tops/bottoms but well... this is some sort of warning lol  
> \- there's little to no plot here, so if u don't like reading smut/skips it it's not worth reading  
> \- there's a spoiler to the movie 'shutter island'  
> \- i know it's long but if u gonna read this dumb thing just take ur time there's no actual plot no need to rush lol. have a good reading <3

Usually, Jaebeom isn’t the first one to get ready, he isn’t the last either. It always goes like that, Jinyoung is the first one to get ready, then not much after Jaebeom and then what feels like hours later, and after Jinyoung threatens to leave him behind, Jackson finally gets ready as well. So, Jaebeom doesn’t understand why this time he is the one sitting alone in the living room waiting for his friends for way too long, even though he put some effort into his looks today. 

“Guys! What are you two doing?” He yells from the living room not bothering to go to their room, too immersed on his phone, and also worried he might see something he would rather not see. Since the two started dating Jackson moved from the room he shared with Youngjae to Jinyoung’s room, the smallest bedroom of the apartment the four of them share. Youngjae now has the biggest room for himself much to the couple’s protest, Jaebeom doesn’t care, nothing changed for him. 

The thing is that Jaebeom never entered his best friend’s bedroom again, they all keep their space for themselves, it’s good because it prevents them to get into arguments over dumb things like messy rooms and clothes scattered on the floor. Jaebeom distracts himself but he is about to yell for them again when Jinyoung walks into the living room, alone. 

“Don’t look at me like that, it isn’t my fault I was trying to hurry them but if it’s hard when it’s just Jackson imagine when he has to dress Youngjae as well,” Jinyoung says sitting by Jaebeom’s side on the couch. 

“Youngjae? Why would Jackson dress Youngjae up?” Youngjae never leaves the apartment, like never, he only goes to class and work, sometimes he hangs out with some of his friends but he never goes to nightclubs. It’s just not his thing, he lives like an old man, Jaebeom can’t understand it but he doesn’t care much anyway. 

Jinyoung gives him a wicked smile, it should be creepy but Jaebeom is used to it by now. “Oh, you didn’t know? Youngjae lost a bet to Jackson so he has to go out with us tonight. And he can only leave when one of us does,”

Jaebeom laughs out loud, feeling real joy at the thought of Youngjae going out with them for the first time. Of course, they have gone to restaurants and bars together but nothing like parties or nightclubs, he doesn’t even know if Youngjae has ever gone to one of those. He will probably feel so lost there, he shouldn’t find it so good but he’s kinda looking forward to seeing the other out of his habitat.

Not thinking much about it Jaebeom unties his hair, he spent some time fixing it but now that he knows Youngjae is going he feels like having it down. Since Jaebeom let it grow a little longer than usual the younger boy keeps complimenting it, it means nothing that Jaebeom likes hearing the other say it’s sexy. Jinyoung looks at him making a face, “don’t be weird,”

“What?” Jaebeom asks confusedly, he knows what Jinyoung is talking about but he doesn’t know why it’s weird that he wants to use his hair down now. Jinyoung ignores him just giving him another weird look. 

Jaebeom ignores it as well, he just wants to see Youngjae's angry face. That’s why he doesn’t mind waiting for another thirty minutes, Jinyoung minds though, he leaves the living room yelling at Jackson that it’s enough and that Youngjae will just go clubbing not cat walking. Jaebeom can hear loud noises coming from their room, he thinks he even hears Youngjae’s scream, it only makes him laugh, not bothered at all by the long wait. 

“Ok, we are here!” Jackon announces he is holding Youngjae's arms pushing the younger boy in front of him as if to show his masterpiece. He is more than right to do so, Youngjae looks like art, Jaebeom has never seen anything like this. It’s the first time he doesn’t have his hair straight and covering his forehead, instead, it is parted and somehow voluminous, he even has an undercut that Jaebeom didn’t know about. 

His clothes are fit, Youngjae never dresses clothes his size so it’s a mystery how he owes clothes like the ones he is wearing now. Not baggy jeans but high waisted pants, his waist getting really distracting, it’s just so slim. Jaebeom feels a little funny looking at him, his mouth opens a little and it gets a bit difficult to breathe properly. “Wow,” it’s all he can say. 

“I did great, didn’t I?” Jackson asks proudly.

“Shut up, Jackson. I’m sure you cheated you would never beat me on FIFA, now you're making me look like a clown.” Youngjae pouts and his lips are too red-ish for it to be natural, he has something on them? Jaebeom can’t take his eyes away. 

“You don’t look like a clown at all,” Jaebeom says honestly, getting up from the couch to look at him better. He can see the way Youngjae blushes and pushes him harder than it’s necessary. 

“Stop mocking me,” as if Jaebeom was mocking him, God, he feels like he is the one being mocked here. As if this is all a prank or maybe a messed up dream, it’s not possible that Youngjae has always looked this good and Jaebeom never noticed it. Okay maybe he did notice it before, but it wasn’t like this. This he wasn’t expecting. Youngjae is cute, but for Jaebeom it has never been more than it, cute younger friend. Now though ‘handsome’ is the only word he can find in his brain to describe Youngjae. 

“That’s enough of compliments, yes Jackson you did an amazing job, Youngjae looks stunning,” ‘stunning’ another fitting word, Jaebeom nods at Jinyoung’s choice. “Now, can we please leave?” 

Everyone agrees, Jackson pushing Youngjae to walk in the front trying to show him off even more. Jaebeom licks his lips when he gets a good view of Youngjae’s ass in the dark pants he is wearing, his thighs as well, they’re so thick, how has he never paid close attention to them? Jaebeom thinks he stares all the way to his car. 

“It’s Jaebeom’s turn to drive, we're gonna get so wasted tonight,” Jackson says in a conspiratory voice, making his boyfriend laugh. 

“I can drive if you want, Jaebeom. I don’t plan on drinking,” even Youngjae’s voice sounds sweeter now. Fuck his life. 

Jinyoung nods, “oh, you said you wanted to get laid, right? I think you won’t want to drive us home if your plan is to find someone to fuck.” 

“Shut up, Jinyoung,” he has no idea why he feels shy by the statement, he really said he wanted to get laid, that’s the reason why he tried to look decent. It's been a while and he’s been too tense. They have always talked about it naturally but suddenly he doesn’t want Youngjae to hear them saying things like that, maybe because he is younger than the other three. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. “You can drink all you wanted, Youngjae. You never get to go out, you should at least enjoy it.”

Jinyoung looks at him as if trying to understand why Jaebeom is acting weirdly, he ignores it completely while he drives to their favorite nightclub in the city. Jackson and Youngjae are extremely loud on the back seat, Jaebeom kinda likes this new setting, all of them going out together not leaving anyone behind. He doesn’t want Youngjae to suffer because he had to leave his games computer, he sincerely wishes the boy will have a good time. 

But he didn’t expect Youngjae to have  _ such _ a good time, he thought Youngjae would stick to his side since Jaebeom won’t be drinking and the other isn’t used to places like this. Instead, he goes to the dance floor as soon as they get there. And since when did Youngjae dance? Because he is dancing to every song the DJ plays, he isn’t simply moving his body he actually knows how to dance, which might be one of the most surprising things of the night. Of course, not as surprising as his thick thighs, but close enough. 

“Can you stop drooling all over him? Get a grip, you haven’t taken your eyes off him since you saw him in the living room,” Jaebeom didn’t see Jinyoung approaching him. He pretends to not know what his friend is talking about.

“Who?” He asks nonchalantly, but that’s the first time he stops staring at Youngjae the entire night. Looking at his best friend for once instead. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be trying to get laid? Won’t you even find someone to make out in the toilet?” Jinyoung’s voice is accusatory for a reason Jaebeom can’t understand, he is just looking it’s normal to be surprised by something you have never seen before. 

“I’m cool--” before he can keep on with his lie Jackson appears behind Jinyoung's back hugging him. 

“I brought you a shot, baby,” he hands Jinyoung a drink that Jaebeom doesn’t care to analyze what it really is. 

“Did you leave Youngjae alone?” Jaebeom shouts at Jackson, he has been dancing with Youngjae since they got to the club. “He isn’t used to crowded places like this, goddamnit, Jackson!”

Jaebeom looks at where Youngjae was dancing previously, sure he’s still there but he isn’t dancing by himself anymore. There’s a tall man dancing way too close to Youngjae, he can’t see clearly from this distance but he thinks his friend looks uncomfortable with it. “I’m not his mom? Plus, I don’t think he needs a mom when he is just enjoying himself, y’know?”

But Jaebeom isn’t even listening to what is being said anymore, he thinks Jinyoung is saying something too but he doesn’t care. He is already walking towards Youngjae pushing through the sea of people, the lights keep on changing but it’s not enough to confuse him. Now that Jaebeom is closer he can see that Youngjae is trying to get away from the man, this is all he needed to see, just needed to be sure that’s not what the boy wanted. 

“Back off, asshole,” but the man apparently doesn’t hear him, Jaebeom pulls at the other’s shoulder putting distance between him and Youngjae’s body. “Told you to back the fucking off from him, asshole.” 

“Wait for your turn, kid.” Jaebeom feels like throwing up when he hears the words, he would punch the man if they were somewhere else. Who the fuck he thinks he is to act as if they would get turns with Youngjae. 

Jaebeom looks at his friend just to find him with scared eyes, he can’t tell if he is scared of the man, or of a fight breaking out. He remembers the Youngjae he has known for almost two years now, sure he looks different but it's still Youngjae, he’s the younger one, he’s a hermit with few friends that probably doesn’t find himself in situations like this often. Jaebeom wants to take care of him, he feels so protective over Youngjae. 

“I’m gonna break your stupid face if you don’t get away from him.” It seems like he is about to say something back when Youngjae takes Jaebeom’s hand on his, pulling him close to his body. Jaebeom feels too warm standing this close to him while the boy clings to him in the best way he has ever touched Jaebeom. He understands quickly what he is supposed to do, “he is with me if you can’t tell, but I’ll make sure you realize it when I break which one of your teeth.”

The man rolls his eyes like this is the stupidest thing he has ever heard, Jaebeom is aware that he’s overreacting with all threats but he can’t help it when anger is consuming his body. “You two make a nice pair of idiots, I’m not interested.” 

He walks away as if it was his decision to get off of Youngjae as if he wasn’t really interested, for some dumb reason Jaebeom feels even angrier. He looks at the man ‘till he disappears, then Youngjae is touching his chin with his soft hand, he goes as far as massaging it trying to get Jaebeom to relax. “Hey, don’t get too worked up over it,”

It feels nice to be touched like this, Jaebeom realizes he is enjoying it a bit too much and that they are still too close, he doesn’t do anything about it, it feels too good as it is. “Are you alright? Did he do something to you?”

“Of course not, he was just insisting too much but I don’t think he would harm me.” 

Jaebeom nods even though he doesn’t agree, Youngjae is just too trusting of his luck, he hasn’t crossed ways with these assholes that can’t ‘no’ for an answer. He doesn’t know how but he manages to get even closer to Youngjae, “I haven’t danced all night,”

“Yeah, I noticed. Why was that, is it because you are not drinking?” Youngjae’s lips are sinful, he almost gets lost looking at them, he is pretty sure the boy can notice the way he is staring at them. 

“I was watching you, did you notice that too?” Jaebeom doesn’t know why he says that it’s not a lie but it’s not something he should proudly say like that. But Youngjae nods, he noticed it then. “Didn’t feel like dancing by myself or if anyone that wasn’t you,”

He wants to facepalm, that was so corny, and also so pathetic. It was Youngjae he shouldn’t be trying to flirt with him, he was pretty sure the boy would laugh it off but to his surprise, he doesn’t. Youngjae drops his hands to Jaebeom’s waist and fucking rolls his hips with Jaeneom’s ones to the rhythm of the song, he wasn’t expecting for that at all. Jaebeom looks at Youngjae’s eyes and he can’t believe he finds lust there, he probably looks the same but he is used to going out and feeling like that at some point of the night.

He never thought he would look at Youngjae like that and that worse, or better, Youngjae would look back at him with desire as well. He moves to the awful song that plays in the club while the younger boy moves with him, leading him. Their bodies are glued to each other so Jaebeom doesn’t miss the way their groins keep touching, rubbing against each other. It’s driving him crazy, he doesn’t even care that it’s Youngjae anymore if anything he is turned on by the fact that it is him. 

He is growing harder by the second, Youngjae never stops moving and pulling Jaebeom’s body to his, of his hands pulling his air lightly. He is breathing so hard over Jaebeom’s ear that it sends shivers through the older’s whole body. He knows this feeling too well, “wanna go home?”

“We gonna fuck, right?” Youngjae doesn’t feel embarrassed at all by the words that leave his mouth, Jaebeom, on the other hand, wants to hide his face. That was what he was planning, obviously, it was, but listening to Youngjae saying it makes everything hotter, dirtier in such a good way. He can’t reply, he just nods and doesn’t wait for Youngjae to say anything, pulling the boy with a hand and getting his phone with the other. 

It’s tricky to text with just one hand but he manages, he lets Jackson and Jinyoung know that he and Youngjae are leaving already and that they should take a taxi home or something. He really can’t worry about how his friends are gonna leave right now, he already thinks it was a lot that he was able to text them. He drives them home and they don’t talk at all, there’s nothing to say not really, they don’t even touch or look at each other in the elevator. 

So, Jaebeom kinda feels the need to ask Youngjae if he still wants it when they get inside their apartment, “what do you think?” Youngjae fires back as he attacks Jaebeom’s mouth, he kisses him with so much force Jaebeom almost falls to the couch. Catching himself and Youngjae just in time, the boy is sucking his tongue at the same time as he undoes Jaebeom’s button-up shirt. He has no idea how Youngjae can multitask like that when Jaebeom’s head is spinning, his body too hot, it’s like he has a fever.

Jaebeom finally gets to put his hands on Youngjae’s ass, he has been eyeing it the entire night but touching is so much better there’s no other sensation like this. He tries to put one hand inside Youngjae’s pants but they are just so tight it’s impossible to do, it turns Jaebeom on even more. “Take-- take these off, yeah?” 

Youngjae laughs darkly in his mouth, Jaebeom wants to eat him alive, “you take yours first I wanna look,” 

This is the most tempting thing Jaebeom has heard in a while, he wants Youngjae to look at his body, to feel so turned on by him as he is feeling by the younger boy right now. But he isn’t about to strip here, he kisses Youngjae again as he walks the boy to his own room. When they get there Jaebeom only has to slide his shirt off since Youngjae already got it open, the other watches him and it’s just too hot. 

Jaebeom tries to put on a show, he has never done something like that, hookups are just hookups you undress as fast as possible no need to appeal to the other person by the way you take off your clothes. But Youngjae seems to like it so much Jaebeom feels like it’s his mission to make it good for him, he takes each piece of cloth slowly, looking right at Youngjae’s eyes. They aren’t locked together, Youngjae is looking at his stomach, “I love your happy trail, so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” He gets close to Youngjae again, it feels weird being naked while the other is fully clothed still, but it’s a good kind of weird. Like he can feel every part of his body being watched and it burns just so good, “now you.”

Youngjae nods but he doesn’t take anything off, he licks at his right hand ‘till it gets wet, Jaebeom knows what is coming but nothing could prepare him for the feel of Youngjae’s warm hand on his dick. Jaebeom moans softly, feeling the need to hide his face on Youngjae’s neck and smell him, he tries to be quiet as Youngjae strokes him slowly but it’s just too good. 

Jaebeom doesn’t even notice it when he bites at Youngjae’s neck harshly when the boy twists his hand just right, rubbing at the tip and making Jaebeom’s legs shake. “I-- want you to fuck me, to really fuck me, to leave me sore of the next few days,” 

“You need to be sure of what you ask for, Jaebeom,” the smile Youngjae gives him is so out of place, is too bright like he is genuinely happy and not just horny. It sort of melts Jaebeom’s inside, he kisses it off of Youngjae's face, biting at his lips ‘till he can see it getting red again now from abuse and not some type of lipstick. “You can do that,”

Jaebeom is confused for only a second but then Youngjae puts the boy’s hand under his shirt lifting it up. It’s enough for him to understand what he is supposed to do, Jaebeom takes Youngjae’s shirt off with no elegance taking advantage of it to kiss and lick at Youngjae’s chest, his arms that are way stronger than he remembers them with pretty tattoos, leaving love marks on his stomach. Making a glinty path with saliva over his entire torso, his dick aching by how horny he is right now. 

The pants are out of his sight quickly as well, Jaebeom drops to his knees to get a better view of Youngjae’s thighs, he really doesn’t know what he wants to touch first. He lets his hands travel squeezing at the fleshy thighs, his calves, and then finally letting both hands inside Youngjae’s underwear to fill them with his asscheeks. Jaebeom doesn’t believe he gets to be this lucky, Youngjae’s ass is soft but also firm at the same time, he kisses at Youngjae’s dick through the fabric of his underwear.

The kisses soon turn into licking, it’s not so satisfying as having him is his mouth would be but it’s good enough to keep pushing Youngjae against his face while he gets the fabric all wet and the boy above him becomes a moaning mess. It’s even better than touching himself, more pleasing to hear Youngjae than to actually do something about his hard-on. Jaebeom is about to drop the underwear and to swallow Youngjae when the boy tells him to stop, “get in the bed, now. Where is your lube?”

Jaebeom obeys, “second cabinet drawer,” he lies on his back while Youngjae looks around going to bed with the lube bottle and a condom. He sits between Jaebeom’s legs as if he belongs there, it isn’t even weird as Jaebeom even thought for a second, seems to be too natural for them. 

“If I hurt you let me know,” Youngjae’s voice is serious, he doesn’t touch Jaebeom until he gets an answer. He looks deadly serious, nothing like the boy that laughs at literally everything like a small kid. 

“You won’t,” he gets a disapproving look at that, “but if I feel uncomfortable I will say something, don’t worry. Just touch me, Youngjae,” Jaebeom is well aware that he is near the point of begging but he couldn’t care less, all he wants is to Youngjae to fuck him already. 

Youngjae doesn’t say much else after it, he drops a quick kiss to Jaebeom’s happy trail, he really seems to like it, Jaebeom is glad he forgot to shave it off. The boy is kind enough to warm the lube up in his hands before touching him, he circles Jaebeom’s rim getting it wet as he slowly introduces his middle finger in. Jaebeom is well used to it, it isn’t that uncomfortable and he soon is asking for Youngjae to hurry up.

It doesn’t work, Youngjae takes his time opening him up, fingering him up to three fingers, Jaebeom is pretty sure he never got such a longer prep since his first time. It’s not that he minds how thoughtful and caring Youngjae is but he really needs to have him inside already, even his scalp is tingling. 

“Please, Youngjae, just fuck me, please--” and Youngjae starts to fuck him harder, but with his fingers, Jaebeom wants to yell at him he knows he is being teased. “With your dick, show me what you can do with your dick,”

“I did warn you to be sure of what you ask, you seem to want it a lot though,” his voice is so teasing, he is a tease Jaebeom has known it but in bed, it gets so much worse. Youngjae puts on the condom he got earlier making sure to lube himself up properly. Jaebeom thinks he will go slow since he was being so careful before.

He couldn’t be more wrong, Youngjae slides inside him in just one go, bottoming out without any warning. Jaebeom’s eyes widen and he cries out at the sudden intrusion, being filled up way too fast, Youngjae also doesn’t wait for him to adjust to the length inside him. He is moving as soon as he gets in, not harshly or too fast but just enough to make Jaebeom moan wildly, his own dick curving on his stomach. 

“You wanted it like this, right?” Youngjae isn’t soft anymore, he is folding Jaebeom’s body in half, dropping his body over Jaebeom, so he can kiss him. Even though it is not really a kiss, it is more Yougjae eating his mouth Jaebeom barely being able to kiss back as he can only moan with every thrust he gets.

“Still do-- still wanna it. Hard, do it harder,” he is finally able to say when Youngjae goes from his mouth to his ear. Even though Jaebeom asked for it, it took him by surprise when Youngjae went back to his kneeling position putting Jaebeom’s legs over his shoulders and fucking into him harder, the pace is the same but he can hear the noises of their skins slapping against each other. 

Jaebeom doesn’t have it on him to look anymore, he lets his eyes fall closed and leaves Youngjae to do whatever he wants with his body. All of his limbs feel like pudding, he is pretty sure he is shaking and saying whatever comes to his head, all of his strength leaving his body. He thinks it can’t get any better but then the head of Youngjae’s dick is rubbing at his prostate, electric shocks are sent through him, he swears he can even feel it on his soul. 

He means to warn Youngjae that he is close but his mind won’t function, the pace is merciless, Jaebeom has the time to think that Youngjae is insane. No one fucks like this, no one should have this much of stamina to manhandle Jaebeom like it’s just so easy and to keep such pace for so long. He is in the middle of the thought when Youngjae drops his body again, he gets even deeper but never ceases with his thrusts. 

The addition of the body over him brushing at his dick with every thrust is what does it for Jaebeom. He cums between them with long jets of hot liquid, Youngjae doesn’t stop if anything he just goes harder on him. Jaebeom is crying out as his entire body is going limp, he thinks Youngjae will finish inside him but the boy slides off of him, taking the condom off and tying it before he discards the thing. 

Youngjae gets himself on his hands and jerks off fast, cumming all over Jaebeom’s chest not long after that, adding to the mess that he already is. It shouldn’t be this hot when he already had his orgasm, but it’s just so damn hot to watch Youngjae’s blissful face after he is done. Jaebeom wants to kiss him again but he doesn’t know if he is allowed. The younger boy lies next to him trying to get his breathing to normal, Jaebeom just listens to it, it’s chill but he is a little afraid of what is going to happen next. 

He is pretty sure that’s was the best fuck he ever had, it’s not even the afterglow that is making him think like that, Jaebeom can’t remember when he ever felt so good, fantastic even, like right now. So he doesn’t regret it a bit, he is just a little troubled that this is Youngjae, they are friends. It’s even worse they live in the same place, Jaebeom rarely even sleeps with the same person more than once or twice, he doesn’t know how to act after a hookup. 

Jaebeom is starting to internally freak out when he feels Youngjae leaving the bed, he opens his eyes startled because the boy doesn’t say anything he just leaves the room. God, does he regret it this much that he won’t even look or talk to Jaebeom? But before Jaebeom can freak out, even more, Youngjae comes back with a warm wet towel, he is still naked he wouldn’t leave his clothes behind, Jaebeom reasons too late. 

Youngjae cleans Jaebeom’s body in silence, he has had other people cleaning him and cleaned himself, of course. But it’s always something to be done fast, people don’t waste time with it, except for Youngjae. The boy cleans him diligently, his touch soft and he doesn’t miss any spot. 

“I fucked and cleaned you now you have to make me breakfast tomorrow,” he sounds playful, not as if he regrets it, it kinda makes Jaebeom breathe better. “And don’t be awkward now, if you get all weird on me I’ll cut off your dick.”

“That’s too much to risk so I won’t,” Jaebeom suddenly feels sleepy now that he doesn’t have to worry about their friendship being ruined or anything. For someone that doesn’t sleep around, he is better at making things comfortable than Jaebeom is. 

He feels rather than sees Youngjae lying next to him again, he makes himself comfortable besides Jaebeom and even cuddles him, dropping a quick kiss to Jaebeom’s shoulder. It couldn’t be warmer or more comfortable in the room, there was nothing to regret at this moment.

He was sore and exhausted so he fell asleep in a second, he wasn’t tense or stressed anymore. 

Jaebeom wakes up pretty late the next day, he isn’t even sure if it’s still morning, the first thing he realizes is how every part of his body is still sore, his back being the worst one. Instead of being annoyed by it, he feels a weird kind of satisfaction. Then Jaebeom also realizes Youngjae isn’t in the room anymore, maybe it was for the best since he would not know how to act. It’s different to just sleep off after you fucked with your friend from actually waking up next to him. It’s not as if Jaebeom has ever slept with one of his friends, he was totally against the idea, but last night he wasn’t thinking about what he thought was right or wrong. 

At least it was good and Youngjae was the one to say things wouldn’t be weird between them because of it, so he doesn’t have to worry about ruining anything. Jinyoung might be his best friend but everyone knows Youngjae is his favorite. Jaebeom doesn’t even know why but it has been like this since he met Youngjae and his friends love to mock him about it, about how protective he is over the younger boy. Like an older brother, Jaebeom growls at the thought, the kind of feeling he has for Youngjae is definitely not brotherly. Not that his friends need to know about it. 

He dresses and uses the bathroom, there’s no one in the living room or in the kitchen, Jaebeom’s stomach is protesting for food. That’s when he remembers he is supposed to cook breakfast for Youngjae, he doesn’t know if he has to do it for real but it wouldn’t hurt he supposes. He settles for pancakes with syrup, is the best he can do, there’s juice in the fridge that he is pretty sure belongs to Jackson but he takes it anyway. Jaebeom eats while he cooks, not bothering with seating to enjoy the food. 

“Oh, he is the traitor then,” Jackson says as he enters the kitchen, he doesn’t look mad but he is trying to, Jaebeom just rolls his eyes minding the frying pan. “Are you making us breakfast as apologies?”

“I’m making breakfast for Youngjae, you can have cereal,” Jaebeom has almost everything done as he turns off the stove and fills another glass with juice. 

Jackson is eyeing the juice, “Youngjae, huh? Talking about it, why would you leave me and Jinyoung behind and only bring Youngjae home when we  _ all _ live together? We tried calling you didn’t even pick up,”

“Because I wanted to bring Youngjae home and not you, that simple,” Jaebeom knows he will get shit for it and Jackson will make a big deal of this for no reason. So he just gets the food he prepared and walks to Youngjae’s room ignoring Jackson altogether. He can’t really knock or open the door since both his hands are occupied. 

“Youngjae, open the door for me,” but nothing happens, so he has the idea of knocking on the door hard with his head. It hurts and he probably looks pathetic but at least Youngjae opens the door looking at him confusedly. 

“What’s up?” He is back to his normal self, round glasses on his face and messy straight hair, Jaebeom thinks he looks even better than last night which makes no sense. 

He just walks into the room placing the plate and the glass on Youngjae’s table, “you said you wanted breakfast, right?” 

Youngjae looks at the food with a fond expression on his face and smiles, “I wasn’t even remembering about it anymore. That’s nice, thank you, you gonna eat?”

“Me? Oh, no, I already ate. I need to start on a paper before I get ready for my shift at the vet clinic,” Jaebeom thinks he should stop staring at Youngjae the way he is doing but he doesn’t have enough willpower to do so. 

“You working the night shift today? I hope it goes well,” 

“Yeah, it’s always erratic but it’s good at least the time passes fast. I will see you later, yeah? Eat your food and get some rest, don’t worry about the dishes I already took care of them,” Jaebeom messes Youngjae’s hair before leaving the room. He has no idea why he does that, they don’t usually touch each other in any way, and sure thing he doesn’t play with the other’s hair out of pure affection. 

After it things pretty much go back to normal, they never talk about the night they fucked and everything stills the same between them. Except for the times where Jaebeom will hug Youngjae for no reason or touch him randomly, of course, Youngjae had noticed it by now since it’s not something he would do before. Jaebeom is glad he doesn’t comment on it, he would be terribly embarrassed and wouldn’t know how to explain it. 

He thinks his body must have liked Youngjae, that’s the only plausible thing he can come up with. It’s been already a month since the night Youngjae went out with them, they will go out tonight but Youngjae won’t tag along, of course, he won’t he would much rather play with his friends. Jaebeom doesn’t feel bitter about it, really he doesn’t, it’s just that the nightclub is extra boring tonight, nothing appeals to him. Since everyone wanted to drink they took an Uber, so at least he can drink and it also helps him to feel freer. 

Jaebeom dances with anyone that gets near him, there’s a guy that has obviously been staring at him the whole night, he is cute so Jaebeom doesn’t mind it. The guy finally comes to dance with him, Jaebeom thinks he is good enough for a hookup but as soon as the other starts dancing with him, putting his hands all over Jaebeom’s body he gets bothered by it. There’s nothing wrong with him but it feels weird, Jaebeom isn’t expecting the kiss that comes way too soon.

It’s not like people in nightclubs wait too long to start making out but he didn’t see it coming, the kiss is all wrong, all over the place, Jaebeom feels like the guy is trying to swallow his tongue. “I could--”

“I’m not in the mood, sorry.” Jaebeom leaves the dance floor as fast as he manages, it’s not even true that he isn’t in the mood. He is, he’s been thinking about getting laid all day long, but not with this man, not with a stranger. 

He takes an Uber back home feeling miserable, all he got from his night out was a dirty kiss that he hated, at least he got to drink and dance, that was always good but he wanted more. Jaebeom would have to just jerk off before sleep, yeah that would do. When he gets in the apartment is really late, everything is dark so he guesses Youngjae is asleep. Before he can get to his room though, he hears the boy yelling to someone to just shoot already.

Jaebeom is startled for a minute too long thinking someone might have broken in, but then he remembers that he always hears weird shit like that. Youngjae can’t play his dumb games without yelling like crazy, it’s past four in the morning though, the neighbors might complain. He goes to Youngjae’s bedroom knocking just in order to not scare the boy and enters right after it. 

“You already back,” Youngjae doesn’t take his eyes away from the computer screen though, Jaebeom doesn’t even know how he saw him. He was ready to tell him to stop yelling so late in the night, or well so early in the morning when Jaebeom gets a good view of him. 

Jaebeom’s mouth dries at the sight, no one should look this good in a plain white shirt and black shorts, it should be impossible. But Youngjae looks so hot, his shorts are lifted up, showing how his thighs flex when he is trying to hit every keyboard key at once. He shouldn’t be looking at Youngjae like this, he knows he shouldn’t, it was a one-time thing, but he is getting hornier by the second. Since he just wants to get off he should go to his own room and get this over with.

Of course, Jaebeom can’t do it, he lays on Youngjae’s bed looking at the boy for the longest time before he speaks. “Youngjae, will it take you too much longer? It’s late already,”

“I know,” he is yelling at his friends again, “just need to win this one match then I’m going to bed,” Jaebeom would like that, him coming to bed so they can get each off. Yeah, that would be nice, he thinks as he slides his hands through his own body and watches Youngjae. 

Except that Youngjae never comes to bed, he sees as he starts another match and Jaebeom literally wants to turn off the power so he will leave that fucking chair. “Youngjae, come on,”

But it goes completely ignored by the younger, “Fucking help him, Mark! Bambam can’t shoot for shit he's gonna die.” Jaebeom rolls his eyes annoyed as if dying in a game is that important, you just come back in the next math. “I can’t help him. I'm too far away, you do something, asshole.” 

There won’t be another match Jaebeom decides, he walks to Youngjae and sits on his lap straddling him, “quit this,”

“Get off me, Jaebeom, I can’t see!” Youngjae complains as he tries to keep playing even though Jaebeom is in the way. It doesn’t stop him at all if Youngjae needs a little push to get things going on he will give it to him. Jaebeom starts kissing his neck, nothing more than that, it’s enough for Youngjae to understand what is happening. 

He knows it is because Youngjae stops moving, then one of his hands moves away from the keyboard to Jaebeom’s ass. “Just-- I’ll just finish this one, alright?” Youngjae whispers to him but it isn’t enough, he’s been promising it for over an hour now. 

Jaebeom rolls his hips making sure he is seated right on Youngjae’s dick, getting a small whimper in return. “Want you inside. Want you to fuck me good like last time,” 

Youngjae looks at him then, his eyes bulge, “you--” then he takes off his headphones throwing them God knows where. “Fuck, Jaebeom they heard you,”

“Don’t care,” and really Jaebeom could care less that people heard him, sure Youngjae was playing with Mark and Bambam that were also his friends but right now he couldn’t give a fuck. “Only care about you, your thighs, your dick inside me, your strong arms. Think you can fuck me like this? Hold me up with those arms as if I didn’t weigh anything?” 

“So beautiful,” Youngjae pulls him by the hair in order to kiss Jaebeom, he has missed it, his lips are just perfect, the way his tongue fuck into Jaebeom’s mouth feels so fucking right. It’s like he is cleaning Jaebeom from that shitty kiss he got before. Youngjae is never delicate with his kisses, but it’s just the way Jaebeom likes it. “You will ride me, yeah?”

It’s not really a question, it’s more like an order. Jaebeom feels his blood boiling on his veins. He gets off of Youngjae’s lap so he can take off his clothes, this time not wasting any time at all. Youngjae starts to take his clothes off as well but Jaebeom stops him. 

“Don’t, you look too fucking hot on these, keep them,” Youngjae smirks nodding his head, he tells Jaebeom where to get lube and condom. The boy gets back to Youngjae’s lap with the supplies in hand. 

Youngjae is playing with his nipples, Jaebeom didn’t even know he could be this sensitive there, as the younger boy bites as them and pinches he can’t stop the small thrusts of his hips. Feels so fucking good, maybe he could cum just with the nipple play he thinks, but it would be too frustrating, he wants more than that.

“Wait,” Jaebeom tries to slide Youngjae’s short just enough to free his dick from them, it’s pretty hard Youngjae tries to help and they almost fall off of the gaming chair. Youngjae laughs in his ear and Jaebeom wants to hear it like that forever, it’s not his usual laugh, it comes off rough and low. Too damn sexy. 

They finally manage to get the shorts to the middle of Youngjae’s thighs, it feels fantastic to feel it against his skin. Jaebeom lubes up his fingers and tries to make quick work of preparing himself for Youngjae, he is not as gentle as the other boy is but it doesn’t matter, he has waited for too long already he just wants to get off. 

“You look so damn hot like that,” he loves to hear the praise, Youngjae sounds so gone as well. Their dicks are rock hard between their bodies, Jaebeom puts the condom on Youngjae and moves so he can sit on his dick. It doesn’t go as well as he planned, it’s impossible to get Youngjae’s dick all the way inside in the first try. Just as it starts to enter him the discomfort is already too much, his legs are shaking with the position and pain. “It’s alright, slow down,”

Youngjae’s gentle hand comes to his small back trying to calm him, he makes small circles with his fingertips encouraging Jaebeom to not take everything at once. It feels like it takes ages for Jaebeom to finally take everything, he is sitting on Youngjae completely, eyes closed trying to breathe in and out. 

This position makes him feel pretty much every inch inside of him, he wants to move but he can’t, it’s too much. Youngjae kisses his cheeks, kisses his entire face, “I’ll try to move just a bit, yeah? If it’s too much tell me,” 

It will be, Jaebeom knows it but he agrees or else they will stay like this all night. When Youngjae shifts his body just a little Jaebeom moans loudly, and maybe it is better when he moves than when he doesn’t do anything. “Do that again,” 

Youngjae does, he starts by moving his hips up just a little ‘till it starts to get faster and they are both moaning into each other’s mouth. Jaebeom is used to the length inside him by now, he moves up and down over Youngjae, that seems to be good enough for the younger boy that closes his eyes tight as Jaebeom keeps moving. It doesn’t take long for the pace to become too fast, they are both desperate, Jaebeom thinks he is the most desperate one. 

His muscles are burning and he thinks he won’t be able to walk again, his thighs are good for nothing right now, “I can’t-- Youngjae, I can’t,”

Youngjae doesn’t say anything, or if he does Jaebeom doesn’t hear it, he uses his arms to help Jaebeom keep his movements lifting him up just to bring him down again. He has no idea how Youngjae can do it, he is doing all the work, Jaebeom is just moaning, he doesn’t even try to lift himself up anymore, it's all Youngjae. The boy is moving his body according to his thrust, that’s what Jaebeom wished for when he saw these arms, but he didn’t think it could be possible.

Jaebeom knows he can’t last much longer, not with the way Youngjae is moving his hips, he looks down and the image alone is enough to push him to the edge. Jaebeom has enough strength to jerk off to the same pace Youngjae is fucking him, “fucking hot, Jaebeom,” 

He kisses Youngjae, biting hard at his lower lip when he cums all over the boy’s white shirt, he can’t stop looking at the wet paths his cum makes on it. Youngjae cums right after him, nails craving at Jaebeom’s hips, leaving crescent moons marks over it. 

They stay in the chair, Youngjae still inside him to the point that it is getting uncomfortable but he just can’t move. “Let me help you,” Youngjae circles his waist with his arms as he gets up with Jaebeom, he slides off of him and it’s weird how it was uncomfortable before but now it’s just empty. He walks Jaebeom to the bed so gently and he doesn’t see anything else, he feels as Youngjae uses something to clean him, he didn’t get that dirty and he doesn’t care. He just closes his eyes and sleeps.

“Where’s my breakfast, Jaebeom! Jaebeom, wake up, I’m hungry,” someone is shaking him, Jaebeom’s head is pounding and someone just won’t let him sleep. “For real, if you don’t wake up my dick won’t be getting near your ass any time soon,”

Jaeebom opens an eye just to see Youngjae hovering over him, “shut up, get your breakfast yourself,” 

“Jaebeom, that’s rule number one, I fuck you and clean you up, you make me breakfast, what is not clicking?” He can’t believe what he hears if laughing didn’t make his head ache he would laugh right now. 

“We don’t have any rules, and you didn’t get me clean last night,” he knows Youngjae did and but he can pretend he didn’t see it and maybe the boy will shut it. 

He doesn’t, “alright, guess you don’t want it to happen again then.” 

‘It’ obvious stands for sex, Jaebeom growls, he doesn’t want to admit it but he wants it to happen again, fuck he doesn’t want to fuck anyone else but Youngjae. He has no idea why, but having him is way better than any other person Jaebeom could find. “Can’t believe you’re fucking me for breakfast. You’re a way better cook than me, why don’t you make it?” Jaebeom huffs annoyed.

“Because that’s not the rule,” Jaebeom thinks it's ridiculous, Youngjae can't be serious, but he kinda knows he is. Jaebeom gets off the bed with a scowl on his face, he doesn’t bother finding his clothes sliding into underwear that might be his or not. 

“Change the sheets, and then go to the kitchen you’re not getting breakfast on the bed again,” he leaves the room but he thinks he hears Youngjae saying he should change his gaming chair, not the sheets, Jaebeom ignores him. 

He thinks about making pancakes again, but this time really bad ones so Youngjae will stop with this breakfast bullshit. But he wants to eat as well, he knows Youngjae likes waffles better than pancakes so he decides to go for it, not that the younger deserves it but he might as well do that. Youngjae gets to the kitchen before the waffles are ready. “I really like waffles, Jaebeommie,”

“Really? If I knew I wouldn’t make it,” Jaebeom lies but Youngjae just smiles. The boy didn’t bother with clothes either, he is just on his shorts. The same shorts he was wearing last night, the ones in which he got hard, Jaebeom sat on them while naked, he can’t even think how wrong this is. 

Jaebeom puts all the waffles in just one plate, dropping strawberry jam over them, he puts them in front of Youngjae. He could sit anywhere, but there’s a space between Youngjae’s back and the chair he is sitting on. Jaebeom sits behind the boy, to his surprise Youngjae doesn’t complain at all, he rests his chin on Youngjae’s shoulder and circles his arms around his waist. 

Youngjae is eating slowly, “feed me,” Jaebeom says and again no complaints, the boy gives pieces of waffles making sure they are smeared with jam. It tastes really good, Jaebeom kisses his neck when he doesn’t have food in his mouth, it’s all too peaceful. 

“What the fuck,” it’s definitely Jinyoung’s voice, he screams and Jaebeom jumps in the chair, Youngjae doesn’t even move. Jaebeom tries to get out of the chair but Youngjae has his body pressed to the chair.

Did he really forget about Jinyoung and Jackson? The other boy comes to the kitchen when he hears his boyfriend. “What are you two doing? Oh my God, I need to burn my eyes,”

“Shut up, I’ve caught you two fucking more times than I can count,” Youngjae isn’t bothered at all by the two other men looking at them as if they had four heads, maybe more. Jaebeom feels like he should do something, explain the situation but the explanation is exactly what they are thinking. 

“Jaebeom, this is fucking Youngjae!” Jinyoung says as if Jaebeom hasn’t realized it yet, Jaebeom does the dumbest thing that is hiding his face on Youngjae’s neck. 

“Ew!” Jackson is about to say something else but Youngjae snaps before it. 

“Can you two fuck off? Jinyoung, you don’t get to say ‘this is Youngjae’ as if I’m sort of disease and as if I’m not even here. And you Jackson don’t get to act all disgusted. At least we are not the ones fucking in the couch as if it didn’t belong to everyone in the apartment.” Youngjae sounds so mad, Jaebeom doesn’t want to find it hot, he can’t help it though. 

Jackson looks embarrassed by his reaction, Jaebeom can’t read Jinyoun’s expression. They sit in front of them, “I didn’t say it as if you were a disease, come on, it’s just... you are like a little brother to us.”

“Clearly not,” Jaebeom likes hearing Youngjae saying it, likes knowing Youngjae doesn’t feel like it either. “Seriously, it’s none of your business what we do, so just back off.” He gets up making Jaebeom feel extremely cold at the lack of contact, “I’ll wash the dishes later.”

Jaebeom sees him going to his room, he looks at his friends in front of him and he never felt this angry at them before. Sure, they have annoyed him a lot in his life, Jinyoung since they were kids so he has a lot of situations he can recall but right now he is just so angry, he can’t even think straight. If it was anyone else he wouldn’t be feeling like this, but it’s Youngjae and he was clearly upset with their reactions. 

“You two couldn’t be less of dicks to him?” He crosses his arms. 

“We didn’t mean to--”

“Honestly, Jaebeom? I can apologize to Youngjae later, but you? What the fuck were you thinking when you decided to fuck Youngjae? It’s just stupid that you would do something so reckless. Yeah, I could see this coming but I thought you wouldn’t go through with this,” Jinyoung is spitting the words, Jaebeom is really tired of his tone. He acts as if he knows everything, he doesn’t, he doesn’t know what he and Youngjae are doing at all. 

“You apologize to him. I don’t care about it enough, but just so you know I can do whatever I want with whoever I want, it’s none of your business.” Jaebeom starts doing the dishes so Youngjae won’t need to bother with it later. 

“Listen,” Jiyoung’s voice is way softer now, “it’s not that you can't, it's just that I worry, you’re my best friend. I don’t give it a month for you to come crying at me because you finally realized you’re in love with him,” 

Jaebeom rolls his eyes, not looking at him, he never fell for anyone he slept with. Why would he fall for Youngjae out of all people? And if he did, how was that Jinyoung’s problem? “You already kinda… likes him,” Jackson saying it kinda makes him uncomfortable.

What does anyone know about how he feels? Sure, he has always liked Youngjae a lot, it’s just how things are, doesn’t mean he will fall for him because of that. He might fall because Youngjae is fucking beautiful and an amazing fuck, but he won’t say it out loud. 

Jaebeom finishes with the dishes, “you two don’t worry about me, don’t worry about him either I would get hurt before I hurt Youngjae.” The words are more true than he realized before they left his mouth, but saying it out loud just made him more sure that it was like that. He would never let Youngjae get hurt, not by him, and not by anyone else. 

Jaebeom goes back to Youngjae’s room, he is on his bed doing something on his phone, “what?” 

His voice is still angry, Jaebeom knows it ain’t directed at him. “They were just worried, but they are too dumb to express it in the right way,”

“Who asked them to worry? Honestly, I’m so mad, I don’t care if they know what we did, I just hate when people act as if I can’t make my own choices.” Youngjae says sincerely, Jaebeom nods getting on the bed with him.

“I could tell you were mad. It was so hot though, I’ve never seen you mad like that,” Youngjae smiles, and as much as Jaeebom liked seeing him all mad nothing beats knowing he’s feeling better enough to smile. 

Youngjae turns on his side so he can look at Jaebeom, “I can get mad at you, give you a better taste of it.” He puts a leg over Jaebeom bringing him closer to his body, Jaebeom twists one of his nipples out of nowhere, twists it hard. “What the hell, Jaebeom?”

“Are you mad now?” Jaebeom wants to laugh at how red Youngjae becomes in an instant, he knows it hurt by his expression alone. 

“I will fucking kill you,” but he doesn’t, he does much better, he fucks Jaebeom again even though he is sore already. Youngjae makes sure to make it extra hard and good, just so Jaebeom will be loud forgetting completely they aren’t the only ones in the apartment. Just after they are done Jaebeom realizes he now owes Youngjae another breakfast. 

It takes a whole week of Youngjae not talking to Jinyoung for things to go back to normal, Jaebeom doesn’t even interfere in it. It’s really Jinyoung’s problem to solve, he doesn’t know what his best friend does but one day Youngjae isn’t even looking at him the other they are laughing together in the living room. Jaebeom doesn’t care so he doesn’t ask, but he thinks it’s funny that Youngjae probably wasn’t even angry anymore but was waiting for Jinyoung to apologize to him. He can be a bit resentful sometimes. 

At least things stop being awkward in the apartment now, everyone is speaking to everyone and it’s like nothing happened. The only difference is that now Youngjae and Jaebeom fuck sometimes, it’s not always as if they are a thing, it’s really not. What really starts to become a thing is how close they become, it has always been him and Youngjae since Jackson and Jinyoung would always team up in anything they all do together. But it’s noticeable how the two of them start to spend more time together.

Whenever they go out Jaebeom walks by Youngjae’s side, they sit together when they have dinner and when they watch movies. No one says anything after the disaster that it was when the other two found out about them, sometimes Jaebeom will catch Jinyoung giving him funny looks but nothing more than that. Another thing is that Youngjae has the best bedroom in the apartment, it’s spacious, is well ventilated and you can feel the breeze in your face at the end of the day, so Jaebeom spends more time there than at his own room. 

It doesn’t bother Youngjae, at least he doesn’t complain and doesn’t seem to be tired of Jaebeom’s face. He’s always there, even by himself, he reads his books there, he naps when he comes back from work and when Youngjae gets home the boy will talk his ears off laughing at his own jokes. 

Youngjae is working extra hours today, Jaebeom is watching a movie on TV with Jackson and Jinyoung, he isn’t paying much attention to it. The thing is just too boring, Jinyoung isn’t even pretending either, he probably only stays in the room because of Jackson. Youngjae gets home a little after the movie started, he greets them quickly and turns down the invitation to watch the movie with them, he seems tired. 

Jaebeom sees as he heads to the bathroom firsts thing first, he stays at the couch but he can’t keep still, not when he sits by himself watching this stupid movie while his two friends cuddle on the other couch. “I’m done with this,” he says.

“Of course you are,” Jinyoung replies, Jaebeom pays him no mind as he goes to Youngjae’s room and lays in his bed. It’s a little too windy in the room but he doesn’t bother getting up to close the window. 

When Youngjae comes to the room he doesn’t even seem surprised to see Jaebeom there, he is using a towel to dry his hair. It looks really fluffy and cute, “it’s the movie already over?”

“Too boring, there’s something way more interesting to watch here,” Youngjae has his back to him but Jaebeom sees as he shakes his head, he can imagine the smile on his face. 

Youngjae walks to the bed with a blanket in his arms that he covers Jaebeom with as he gets under it with him. Jaebeom never imagined lying with someone like this could be just so good, definitely not with one of his friends. Yet he feels his stomach glitching, a smile spreading on his face just by being here with Youngjae, they don’t have to do anything else other than cuddling. 

“You look tired, too tense,” he says, leaving a kiss on Youngjae's shoulder, the younger growls agreeing. 

“I hate those little Tasmanian devils, I mean I shouldn’t hate kids so I don’t, I just really, really dislike them.” Jaebeom laughs at it, he never heard Youngjae talking like that about his students. “I’m serious, I had to cover for a teacher that fell sick and let me tell you five-years-old should not be having piano classes,”

“When did you start learning?” 

He gets another growl for this, “that’s not the point, the point is that those kids shouldn’t. They clearly aren’t interested and it’s their parents forcing it on them. Jaebeom, they wouldn’t stop yelling, why would they yell in class?”

“Maybe they didn’t like you,” Jaebeom doesn’t think that’s an option, for him, it’s impossible to not like Youngjae. It’s a weird realization though, think that everyone likes Youngjae and that he’ll probably find someone in the future, it won’t be like this forever, they won’t be like this forever. 

“Don’t care if they didn’t, I dislike them even more so I win. I honestly know that it’s good for children to learn a musical instrument, that they get smarter or whatever but don’t know who has the patience to teach demons,” Youngjae sounds legitimately upset by the kids’ behavior. 

“It’s that your way to tell me that you’re smart because you learned how to play when you were a kid?” He teases and Youngjae turns a little to look at him, Jaebeom holds him closer in order for him to not move away from his embrace. “Really, the hottest and the smartest one here, kinda unfair,”

“Jeez, why are you being so cheesy for? I’m obviously the smartest but Jackson is way hotter,” his voice is serious but Jaebeom feels how he shakes a little, probably holding his laugh. 

Jaebeom turns Youngjae on his arms so he can stare at him, “oh, you think Jackson is the hottest one? Why don’t you ask him if he wants you to f--”

“God, no, shut up! He isn’t the hottest, you are, alright? Don’t say sick shit like that again, it’s disgusting,” Youngjae has his hand over Jaebeom’s mouth in an attempt to shut him up. Jaebeom licks it, “oh my God, what’s wrong with you today? Get out of my room, let me rest, you are too tiring, worse than those Satan’s kids.”

But he isn’t pushing Jaebeom away. If anything he is pulling the man closer, Jaebeom can’t not kiss him, he just can’t. They rarely kiss on the lips when there are no utter reasons like sex behind it, kissing for no reason feels too intimate. Youngjae’s chapped lips fit perfectly with his own, they are so warm, there isn’t a better sensation or taste. “Are you hungry?”

“Honestly a bit, but I don’t feel like getting out of this bed tonight, I’ll eat tomorrow,” he says closing his eyes slowly, Jaebeom feels bad for him. Youngjae has to go to his own classes, then he has to teach kids and today he had to teach even younger ones, he is dead tired. He should at least eat before sleeping. 

“It’s okay, I’ll order something for you, you won’t need to leave the bed,” and it’s what Jaebeom does, he orders fried chicken and cheese sticks, Jackson likes them so he orders double if only to not have to hear him complaining. 

When the food arrives Youngjae is asleep, Jaebeom wouldn’t want to wake him up but he doesn’t want Youngjae to sleep on an empty stomach just to feel pain tomorrow. Youngjae sleeps like the dead but it’s easy to wake him now since he just fell asleep, “let me sleep, Jaebeommie,”

“I brought you food, come on eat some then you can sleep,” Youngjae makes a funny face at him, Jaebeom can’t read it but he starts eating and that’s enough for him. He seems happy with the food, it’s kinda cute to watch. 

While they eat all Jaebeom can think is that this isn’t meant to last for long, they are friends yeah but how friends that fuck each other go from it to just friends again? If Youngjae ever finds someone he really likes he and Jaebeom won’t be able to spend time with him like now. Kissing just because he can won’t be an option because he won’t be allowed to do so anymore. 

“What’s with the grumpy face?” Youngjae is done eating, his lips are dirty though Jaebeom brushes them with his finger.

“No such thing, go brush your teeth then you can sleep,” Youngjae goes even though he looks like he can’t move. When he comes back he goes straight to Jaebeom’s arms hugging him, the older is sitting but he manages to get them in a horizontal position again, “what is that for?” Jaebeom asks when he gets another soft chaste kiss. 

“Thank you for the food, you didn’t have to. Now I owe you,” Youngjae says slowly.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he assures the other. 

Youngjae rolls his eyes at him, “no, I owe you. I’ll pay for it tomorrow though, too tired today.” He’s still confused so Youngjae all but slaps his butt, “I’ll fuck you tomorrow, you might be the hottest person I know but at least God was fair and made you the dumbest one as well.” 

“The hottest, then?” But Youngjae just rolls his eyes again telling him to shut up as he hugs Jaebeom and cuddles him to sleep. Jaebeom sleeps with a smile on his face, feeling too happy from something so simple. 

It’s not usual for Jaebeom to see Youngjae around the campus, he doesn’t spend much time walking around and their builds are too far from one another. So when he sees Youngjae from afar he doesn’t hesitate to walk to him, the boy is talking to Bambam and Yugyeom and doesn’t even notice as Jaebeom approaches them. Jaebeom drops a kiss on the top of his head as he puts an arm around his waist, the best thing is that Youngjae doesn’t even flinch when he notices it’s Jaebeom. 

Yugyeom and Bambam though, these two look at him as if an alien is standing in front of them and not Jaebeom. “What was this?” Yugyeom asks. 

“Your friends get kisses greeting now? Where is ours?” Bambam says at the same time. 

“I don’t want Jaebeom to kiss me,” Yugyeom looks at his purple-haired friend as if that is the craziest idea ever as if Jaebeom would ever kiss him, he really wouldn’t. 

Bambam laughs at it, “no, dude don’t worry that’s Youngjae’s privilege only.” Seeing that Yugyem is just as confused as before Bambam continues, “what? Didn’t Mark tell you about Jaebeom begging for dick when we were all playing? Man, can’t believe you don’t know about it.”

“Shut up, Bambam, before I cut your tongue,” Jaebeom is only annoyed at the teasing, he doesn’t care that Bambam knows or that he is telling Yugyeom about it. Youngjae makes a face at him when Yugyeom starts making a bunch of questions and Bambam is the one answering them all. 

The younger one of them even blushes at the things Bambam is saying, not half of them are true, but some are. “Alright, have you gossiped enough? Mind shutting up now?” 

“Jaebeommie, wanna go to the movies tonight? We could watch something dumb, a B-list horror movie,” Youngjae asks as if he just remembered he has been meaning to say that. 

“Sure, yeah, that will be good,” he kisses Youngjae’s head again, sniffing his hair. It isn’t abnormal for him but it seems to be to the other two. 

“You two are… never thought Youngjae would act like that, and with Jaebeom of all people.” Jaebeom is ready to tell Bambam to shut up again when the boy continues speaking, “anyway, isn’t Natty bday party tonight? You are friends with her, right?” 

Jaebeom has forgotten completely about it, yeah, he is friends with Natty, they shared a class together in his first undergraduate year and they have been friends since. She’s pretty much friends with everyone he knows, and he can’t really miss her birthday party. Jaebeom likes going out, he likes parties, but lately, he isn’t leaving his place a lot. Before he would go out with the intention of seeing his friends obviously but also get laid, now it doesn’t seem like a necessity anymore. He doesn’t feel like going out a lot. 

He hangs out with his friends when he is not working, but mostly he stays at home with Youngjae, the only person he thinks of when it comes to sex now. “I… forgot about it, I should go, though. You can come with me,” he says looking at Youngjae, “Bam and Yugyeom will also be there, it will be fun,”

“Don’t think that will be happening, it’s alright. You guys have fun, I can do something else, I like having the apartment just for myself anyway,” but it doesn’t sound right, Youngjae smiles at him but it doesn’t ease things for Jaebeom. The words aren’t leaving his mouth properly, he is the only one that seems to notice it. 

The other three keep talking normally, Jaebeom drives Youngjae home with him. They are silent the entire way, Youngjae keeps texting on his phone and it’s not that Jaebeom is jealous, he isn’t. It’s just that he is right here, why won’t Youngjae use this time to talk to him instead? The worst thing is that Jaebeom can’t even ask if the boy wants to go out with him tomorrow instead he will have a night shift at the vet clinic tomorrow, it’s just how shitty he’s life is. 

He wants to go to the movies with Youngjae, they haven’t ever gone just the two of them, for him it would be fun, way better than going with Jackson. A horror movie would be perfect, he knows Youngjae would cling to him just in the best way. But he can’t.

When they get home Youngjae heads to his room and Jaebeom feels weird following him so he doesn’t, it feels weird going to his room as well. He hasn’t abandoned his bedroom altogether, it’s his room still but he is rarely there, and he is never there when Youngjae is home. Jaebeom is always up on Youngjae’s business, or even just spending time there as the boy studies or plays with his friends. 

Being in his room alone while Youngjae is on his own doesn’t feel right anymore, and to think that this is how things used to be just two or so months ago, it feels like forever. He gets ready for the party slowly finishing way sooner than necessary, he just has enough time to go to Youngjae, of course, he would end up doing that. “You sure don’t wanna go? It will be fun, you can have fun with me only,” 

Youngjae doesn’t even look up at him from his computer, he isn’t playing he has some papers on his hands. “Really don’t feel like it,” 

Youngjae doesn’t like parties, he knows that so when he says he doesn’t want to go it’s because he doesn’t want to, not because he is turning Jaebeom down. It sure feels like it though, as if Youngjae just doesn’t want to go with  _ him _ , as dumb as it sounds. He leaves the room and waits for Jackson and Jinyoung on the couch, he doesn’t even care that it takes them forever to get ready. 

“Let’s take a taxi so we can get shit-faced,” Jaebeom smiles at Jackson’s enthusiasm as they leave the apartment. He can’t stop feeling bitter about Youngjae staying behind, it’s nothing new but he hates it now. 

When they get to the party the place is packed with people, they find their friends and it’s not that it’s bad, it’s just that Jaebeom would rather be somewhere else with someone else as well. Like in the movies with Youngjae. “What’s wrong, is your beer warm or something?” Mark is the one that asks. 

Jaebeom doesn’t bother answering as he keeps sipping the drink, it’s as bitter as his moods. At some point, some of them go dancing. Jackson and Jinyoung disappeared a long time ago. There’s a girl that keeps staring at him, Jaebeom is doing his best to ignore her but his friends notice it as well. 

“Wow, that girl won’t stop looking, man. She’s really hot, won’t you go there, Jaebeom?” Liam, one of Jackson’s friends asks, Jaebeom isn’t very close to him but they hang out a lot because of Jackson. 

“Jaebeom is with Youngjae, you wanna see him cheating?” He didn’t even notice Yugyeom getting back to their group of friends. 

“Oh, didn’t know that, where is him?” The other man asks. 

Jaebeom feels his blood boiling for a reason he can’t tell, he isn’t mad or embarrassed it’s just frustrating. “I’m not with him, we are not dating.”

“You aren’t? It sure looked like that though… and you are not going there why then, isn’t she cute?” Jaebeom thinks about how he acted with Youngjae when he saw him earlier, yeah maybe it looked like they are dating but they aren’t. They act like they are but they never talked about it, why would they talk about it?

He thinks if he should go to the girl, he should get some since he is already here, but that time at the nightclub it was awful. Kissing someone with another one in your head doesn’t feel good at all. “Because she is not Youngjae, I guess,” he has known he doesn’t feel the need to be with anyone else since the second time they had sex, yet it’s like he is confessing something. “Listen, tell Natty I was here when you see her, I’m gonna leave.”

He hears some protests from his friends but they go deaf on his ears as he gets out of the big house and catches a taxi. He should have driven here, if he was in his car he would drive so much faster he would already be home. Every minute feels like hours, he is rocking his legs non-stop. 

After forever in the damn taxi Jaebeom finally gets home, he takes off his jacket and goes to Youngjae room without even thinking about it. When he opens the door Youngjae jumps on his bed, he’s lying there with his laptop and ice cream can, he looks so small there, so cute. “Are you trying to kill me? Why are you home so early? You literally just left,” 

“I know,” it hasn’t even been two hours yet, he should have at least waited a bit more but he didn’t want to come too late afraid Youngjae could be sleeping. “I missed you,”

“Oh, sure. What was it too boring? Not enough alcohol?” Jaebeom is being honest, he missed Youngjae there but the boy rolls his eyes at him as if the idea of Jaebeom missing him is something absurd. 

Jaebeom takes off his jeans and socks, going to bed with Youngjae, Jaebeom tries to snuggle up to him but to no avail, the boy isn’t receptive at all. “Come on,” 

“No, stop that. I’m watching a movie,” Jaebeom looks at the laptop screen, Youngjae is watching ‘Shutter Island’. Jaebeom watched it back in high school, he has no idea why Youngjae is only watching it now, it’s a tense movie from start to end so he understands why the boy won’t take his eyes off the screen. Yet he wants Youngjae to give him attention, he craves for it, he felt so lonely in that stupid party without Youngjae with him. 

“Come on, you can finish this later. Gimme some attention,” nothing, Youngjae doesn’t even reply. Jaebeom turns so he is lying on his back, he hears the characters talking remembering vaguely what is going on. Youngjae looks pretty good, a serious expression on his face and he swears lowly at Dicaprio’s character. 

“Why won’t they just leave this damn place, I don’t understand,” he is talking to himself.

“Because they can’t,” it has been many years since Jaebeom watched this movie but it left a big impression on him, he can still remember the ending. 

“Shut up!” Youngjae tells him as a warning. Jaebeom stays quiet but not for long, he goes back to snuggling Youngjae, his body is so warm, it feels nice but he hates being ignored. 

“I got tested two weeks ago, and I’m just seeing you so I wanted to, you know, to get you to fuck me without a condom. My chances to get fucked by you like that are up to fifty percent now,” Jaebeom is trying to say it in a seductive way, he isn’t succeeding, he sounds like he is begging. 

“Your chances will go up to zero if you don’t shut up and let me watch this damn movie,” Jaebeom growls not knowing what else to do. He just wants Youngjae to give him attention, to look at him, he stays quiet watching the other’s face ‘till Youngjae pauses the movie to look at him. Jaebeom’s chest burns at receiving attention. 

“Look, I get tested regularly because it’s important. I’m not seeing anyone either, that much is obvious since I spend my time only with you.” His voice is softer than it has been since they came back home earlier. “Don’t be looking down like that, just let me finish this,” 

Jaebeom would wait, he was going to wait before but then Youngjae had to say that he isn’t fucking anyone else and look at him as if he was something important. “He is a patient on the island, and his partner is his psychiatrist not really a detective, that’s why he can’t leave.”

He sees all kinds of expressions passing on Youngjae’s face in the span of two seconds, “are you fucking kidding me? Why would you tell me that? Fuck you, Jaebeom!”

“He even gets a lobotomy at the end,” he can’t stop now, wants to tell him everything. 

“I--” Youngjae takes the laptop off the bed and the ice cream can, “you want it that bad? Take your clothes off and come here,”

Jaebeom doesn’t have to be told twice, he gets completely naked as Youngjae lies in the bed. He tells Jaebeom to sit on his chest, Jaebeom isn’t even completely hard yet but as soon as he sits on Youngjae the boy is putting his entire length on his mouth. He is so skilled, he works his tongue over the glans, sucking at the tip ever so slowly, just to suck his entire length in again, tongue flat against it. 

He lets Jaebeom slip off of his mouth just when he is fully hard, “I want you to fuck my mouth but let me know when you get close,” Jaebeom moans loudly at the words. Youngjae takes him in his mouth again, hands on his ass as he pulls Jaebeom encouraging him to fuck his mouth. Jaebeom feels his dick hitting the back of Youngjae’s throat with every thrust, his warm tight throat moving around him. 

When Youngjae hums he feels the vibrations on his member, he is so worked up, so sensitive already as he looks down and sees Youngjae’s abused mouth wrapped around his shaft. It’s just so red, Jaebeom feels the urge to close his eyes, at how insane it feels, the slide is extremely wet and messy with Youngjae’s saliva and Jaebeom’s pre-cum. 

Youngjae keeps encouraging him with small hums, Jaebeom is almost sitting on his face by now, he drops his body just enough for him to steady himself by supporting his weight on his arms. Trying his best to not shock Youngjae as he moves, there are tears rolling at the sides of the younger’s face, he looks fucking hot doing it. There are goosebumps blooming over his entire body, Youngjae pulls at the hair of his happy trail and he almost loses it.

Jaebeom’s hands are sweaty, clumsy holding himself in the mattress almost tearing the sheets. “That-- fuck, I’m gonna cum, babe,”

The boy taps at his ribs, it takes all of Jaebeom’s strength to get off of him, sitting back at his chest. When his dick slips from Youngjae’s mouth he almost cries at the loss of contact. “Get off of me, Jaebeom,”

He doesn’t understand what is going on but he does, lying next to Youngjae looking at his sinful mouth, he isn’t even sure if it’s just saliva at the corners of it. He kisses him to taste it, to make sure, it’s so fucking salt he moans on his mouth, he is really close, literally even a touch would make him cum right now. 

“That’s enough,” Youngjae pushes him, “I’ll finish the movie now.”

It takes Jaebeom long seconds to realize what is happening, Youngjae gets out of the bed and takes his laptop with him again. “What,”

“You can open yourself open for me if you want, don’t touch your dick though. If you cum… hum, I don’t think you’d like cumming without me, would you?” 

Jaebeom gasps, his dick is still wet and there is pre-cum pooling at his stomach, he can’t believe what he is hearing. “Babe, don’t do it, come on,”

“Next time don’t spoil the movie for me and wait ‘till I’m done with it, now you will wait, won’t you?” Youngjae also got his bottle of lube to the bed with him, he throws it at Jaebeom. “If you wait you will get it the way you asked for. If you don’t then you won’t get it at all,” 

Jaebeom wants to swear at him, he is just so hard and he can’t even touch himself, well he can if he wants to and he wants it so bad. But at the same time, he wants it with Youngjae, wants to feel how warm Youngjae is without the damn condom between them. It also feels sort of exciting the way Youngjae tells him to wait, he starts to open himself slowly, in order to not cum and because he knows the movie won’t end so soon. 

He prevents himself from even getting close to his prostate, he will cum if he touches it he just knows he will. Jaebeom tries his best to be quiet, Youngjae looks at him every once in a while, he isn't as interested in the movie as he was before. “You can make some noise if you want, y’know?”

Jaebeom has been holding it off but as soon as he hears what Youngjae says he lets out a loud moan, his hardness never dies down as he opens himself watching Youngjae. He is more than ready but he keeps on fingering himself just for the sake of it, just to keep feeling something inside him, imagining it’s Youngjae. 

Youngjae closes his laptop and calmly places it on his table walking back to the bed looking at the mess Jaebeom has done already. “That was a weird ending, I don’t know if I hated the movie or loved it. I will check some videos about it later. Now you, did you learn something tonight?”

“That you are evil and that you hate me,” Jaebeom barely whispers the words, he likes how on edge he is but he won’t give it up and say it that easy. 

Youngjae kisses him, the first kiss of the night and it isn’t dirty like Jaebeom is used to when they are fucking. He holds Jaebeom’s face on his hands kissing him slowly, “I really don’t hate you. Like really, really, don’t,” 

Jaebeom can’t think about what it means right now, he can only think about Youngjae giving him what he wanted already. “Show me then, show me how much you don’t hate me,”

Then Youngjae is fucking taking Jaebeom’s hand, the one he was using to fuck himself just seconds ago and makes it even wetter with lube, he puts it on his own dick and tells him to lube Youngjae up. He is heavy and warm on Jaebeom’s hand, he’s been hard while he watched the movie but still wanted Jaebeom to suffer. Jaebeom strokes him for longer than necessary, “that’s good, it’s enough. Now, let me,” 

He doesn’t finish his sentence, Youngjae lays over Jaebeom’s body, kisses him again this time with more tongue and it feels terribly naughty to be doing it like this. He spreads Jaebeom’s legs apart, even more, it’s almost painful but when he puts himself between them and aligns his dick with Jaebeom’s entrance he doesn’t even feel any pain anymore. 

Slowly, too slowly, Youngjae starts shoving his dick inside him, Jaebeom groans, his dick twisting on his stomach. It feels different like this, Jaebeom was never fucked without a condom, he has thought of it before but not too much, the thing just wouldn’t leave his thoughts when he started things with Youngjae. Now he regrets not getting tested before, the slide is easy, maybe because he prepared himself really well. 

The noises are insanely dirty, they are so wet and they go straight to his ears with every small thrust of Youngjae’s hips. “You can-- you can go harder,”

“Wanna take my time with you tonight,” and he does, he fucks Jaebeom just so slowly it’s good but it’s not even close to being enough. Jaebeom tries to move his own hips to change the pace but Youngjae holds him in place with one of his hands and tells him to stop and that he will do it his own way. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know how much time passes when Youngjae gives a hard deep thrust out of nowhere. He opens his eyes that he didn’t even realize he had closed, Youngjae’s face is so close to his that he is breathing the other man's breath. The pace starts to build-up slowly, Youngjae’s hand, that doesn’t hold him down, plays with one of his nipples while he kisses Jaebeom’s neckline. 

“If you do it like this I’ll cum too soon,” he tells Youngjae and the boy has the audacity to go down and bite his nipple. 

“It’s okay if you do, I’ll keep going,” this shouldn’t be so hot but it is, Jaebeom lets go completely not caring if he cums soon or not, stops holding on. He doesn’t feel sane anymore, Youngjae takes mercy on him and fucks him harder, the way he knows Jaebeom likes. He already knows how to find Jaebeom’s prostate without any trouble, he keeps hitting it every time faster, the headboard also hits on the wall non-stop with the force of each thrust. “Don’t say I hate you again, it’s too far from it,”

Jaebeom nods, but in reality, he doesn’t care about what Youngjae is saying, he can feel as Youngjae gets wetter inside of him from his pre-cum. The sounds they make are getting way worse than before, the other boy is sucking at his nipple while he fucks him hard. He really can’t take it when Youngjae puts his hand on his dick and strokes it, a single stroke is enough for him to cum without a warning. 

He is clenching around Youngjae, can feel how it gets tighter and how Youngjae moans louder in his ear. The boy doesn’t stop fucking him, he keeps going and keeps hitting Jaebeom’s prostate even though he already had found his orgasm. Jaebeom doesn’t have it on him to tell him to stop, not when his body shakes so hard he wonders if he can cum so soon again, he doesn’t think he can but his body sure wants to try. 

Tears are rolling down his face when he finally feels it, hot liquid inside him, Youngjae doesn’t stop milking himself dry inside Jaebeom. His pace is a mess, there’s no pace anymore, Youngjae is just trying to take his pleasure from it. When his body finally stops moving Jaebeom can feel how he shakes over him as well, at least he thinks it’s Youngjae shaking now, he can’t be sure when his body is still trembling. 

Youngjae slides off of him and gets to his feet, Jaebeom hates the small distance between them. “Don’t, please stay here,”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Youngjae assures him, he takes Jaebeom’s shirt to clean him off but he’s too sensitive so Jaebeom tells him to stop, they can deal with it tomorrow. He pushes Youngjae back onto the bed, Jaebeom has no idea what Youngjae did to him but he never felt this needy after sex before. He almost cries when the younger boy puts Jaebeom on his arms and plays with his long hair. 

There’s little to no space between them, it’s the only thing keeping Jaebeom together, the way their skins are touching, and the way Youngjae kisses his hair.

“It’s alright? Was that alright? Are you good?” He hears Youngjae’s soft voice on his ear. Jaebeom can only nod, that was more than ‘alright’, but right now he can’t add much to it. Jaebeom feels exhausted, so he doesn’t know if Youngjae says something else, the older boy falls asleep feeling totally satisfied for the first time in a long time. 

It’s the first time Jaebeom doesn’t wake up first or with Youngjae telling him to wake up and bring him breakfast. This time he is woken by Youngjae bringing him food, he can barely believe his eyes, it’s not what they agreed to. Well, Jaebeom never agreed to it but it’s not like Youngjae gave him an option in the matter. 

“What is all that?” He points at the trail full of food that Youngjae is holding. “Ain’t this my job?”

“Hm-hm, chocolate banana bread, avocado scrambled eggs with parm ham, strawberry cheesecake French toast, and watermelon juice,” Jaebeom doesn’t even know how French toast can also be a strawberry cheesecake. He never had it in his life just the standard one. If he is being honest he usually doesn’t get to eat any of these things Youngjae made, like ever. 

“What’s the occasion, I mean do we even have the ingredients to make these things?” Youngjae puts the trail in the bed and sits next to it. He looks a bit down. “Is something wrong?”

“Just eat, I wanna know if you’ll like it.” Jaebeom nods, he is really hungry and this is the best-looking food he has seen in this apartment. It looks like restaurant food, he knows Youngjae’s family has a restaurant and he has eaten Youngjae’s food before, it never looked so beautiful like this. 

He tries the French toast with strawberry first and he is embarrassed by the noise that leaves his mouth, the thing is just so good. Jaebeom has a sweet tooth, just about everyone knows that but no one has ever done something so good and sweet especially for him. Well, his mom used to but now he doesn’t get to eat her food often, having someone else doing it for him kinda makes him feel as if he is important. 

Jaebeom wants to change their agreement so Youngjae will be the one cooking, even if he doesn’t cook things like that all the time, anything he does will taste good, he is sure of it. They eat together, Youngjae is too quiet for his liking but he will eat before asking again. 

“This is the best food I’ve ever had, very much approved,” he tells the other boy when he is done eating. 

Youngjae smiles, “you don’t have to lie, it’s good but not that good, you have eaten better,” Jaebeom shakes his head ‘no’ and goes for a kiss but Youngjae stops him. That can’t be good, “we need to talk about what happened last night.”

“What happened?” They had sex, Jaebeom tries to think of something else but can’t, is he mad about Jaebeom spoiling the movie? “I’m sorry I spoiled the movie, I just really wanted you,”

“What? This isn’t about it, I don’t care about the movie. But, Jaebeom, that happened last night… was I too rough on you? I’m really sorry,” Youngjae sounds genuinely upset.

“You already asked me something like this last night, and either way I don’t get it, you didn’t do anything.” But Youngjae looks embarrassed, he is looking down at the plates in the trail while he bites his bottom lip. 

“I don’t know… I honestly feel like I crossed a line there, I wasn’t really mad, you know? About the movie, I wasn’t really mad. I just thought it would be hot to have you waiting for me ‘till I wanted to do something about it,” Jaebeom isn’t seeing the problem, it was hot, he didn’t know he was into it but now that he does he want it to happen again. “I should take better care of you, I’m sorry,”

Jaebeom feels a bit confused, “you take good care of me though, and it  _ was  _ hot. I’d like to try it again,”

Youngjae is surprised, Jaebeom thought it was pretty clear just how hot it was for him. “Didn’t I hurt you then? At all?”

“I don’t think you would ever do that, I know you wouldn’t. You don’t need to worry, don’t feel bad, last night it was really good, like fucking exceptional. I liked everything you did, I felt so… so yours?” 

The worlds seem to have a good effect on Youngjae, his face isn’t closed off anymore, he doesn’t look so pained as before. “Okay, I’m glad to hear that. I enjoyed it too, just want to make sure that you can tell me to stop or that you aren’t liking something I’m doing.”

“I know,” Jaebeom really knows but hearing it it’s good too. He moves to get closer to Youngjae, maybe he will get a kiss out of this conversation. That would be a nice outcoming. 

“So… what exactly did you like last night? To be edged or that you were edged by me,” he asks playfully while he curls a lock of Jaebeom’s hair on his finger. Jaebeom feels his face heating up, he is long past the point where he would try to lie about stuff like this to Youngjae. But he feels embarrassed either way,

“You,” he wants to push the smirk away from Youngjae’s lips, maybe with his own. “What about you? Do you like it, d’you like just doing it to others or to yourself as well?” 

He is just trying to get Youngjae to feel embarrassed too but it doesn’t work, it’s like Youngjae has no shame in his veins. 

He makes a thoughtful face, “I do it to myself sometimes, not always. But I prefer doing it to  _ you _ , not others, to you.”

Jaebeom was not expecting to hear this, Youngjae probably picked up on his surprise because the smirk grows wider on his face. He doesn’t know how much of it is true but he doesn’t think Youngjae would lie to him, yet knowing that this is something the boy likes doing to him turns something on inside him. The feeling of belonging makes his head spin. Before he can give in and kiss Youngjae, Jaebeom remembers something that he wants to know. “Were you mad at me for going to the party, weren’t you?”

“What?” Youngjae shakes his head but the light-pink blush in his cheeks says otherwise and he knows it, growling he pushes Jaebeom a little but the older boy doesn’t even move. “I don’t know why before you ask me, I just… would you bring someone home if you were attracted to them?”

Now that makes Jaebeom shocked, Youngjae was jealous he would look for someone to hookup. It didn’t cross his mind, Youngjae had no reason to be jealous. Of course, they never agreed on being with each other exclusively but Jaebeom would never bring someone to their apartment, he wouldn’t do it to Youngjae. Hell, he doesn’t feel like being with someone else even if Youngjae didn’t know about it. 

That’s a weird realization, he already knew he just wanted Youngjae for the time being but he realizes he doesn’t want anyone else at all, not even in the future. That he will gladly keep going out with Youngjae only and that he would be jealous as well if it was the other way around. It takes him so long to answer that it looks like the other boy already deduced what he was going to say. But by the look in his face, he didn’t get it right. 

“That’s no... that’s not it. I wouldn’t, I don’t want to. And I hope you don’t want to do that either because I really liked the non-condom sex,” it wasn’t just because of it but Jaebeom could play it off like this. 

Youngjae scrunches his eyebrows as he closes his eyes laughing, no one should be this pretty in the morning. “Yeah, I could tell you liked it. You need a shower, by the way, you stink of sex,”

“I smell good just like us, you mean then,” he finally kisses Youngjae, just his lips playing with the younger ones who lets him do as he pleases. 

“Nah, you really stink and on top of that can’t stop being corny, go shower already.” Jaebeom holds Youngjae’s face and smashes his nose right at his own chest. 

“Smell it,” he laughs out loud as Youngjae slaps his shoulder hard pretending to puke. Jaebeom feels a weird sensation on his stomach. 

  
  
  
  


The only thing really in Jaebeom’s right way was the semester’s finals, with work and having to study he didn’t have much time to do much else. He has been snapping at everyone that does as much as look his way. Jackson is the most unlucky one, he always seems to catch Jaebeom on a bad day. One night he gets home really tired and feeling like shit, he still has to study but all he wants to do is cry on his pillow. Jackson is in the kitchen and says something silly, nothing out of the ordinary just comments on how Jaebeom looks dead on his feet.

Still, Jaebeom hates his tone, God, he hates even hearing his voice. “Fuck you, jerk,” it’s all he says back though, he has to hold himself back from pushing Jackson. It’s the first time in months Jaebeom actually goes to his room instead of Youngjae’s, he should study but he lies in bed doing nothing for over an hour. Jaebeom wishes he could just turn off his brain and keep going with his life but every corner in his brain is screaming for him to give up. 

He is debating with himself when he hears a knock on his door, he means to ignore it but it was just a warning. Youngjae opens the door and eyes the room looking at him worried, “Jackson said you were home, why are you here?”

“It’s my room,” he says simply. Youngjae rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment on it, he was probably warned about his bad mood by Jackson. 

“Let’s go to my room, come on, I was studying and I don’t like staying there by myself, I’m too used to your annoying ass,” Jaebeom wants to snap at Youngjae, say that it’s none of his business why he is here and that Youngjae doesn’t need him to study. Because if they are honest with each other, Youngjae doesn’t need him at all, but Jaebeom isn’t one to refuse Youngjae anything he asks for. 

He follows Youngjae to his room in silence, Youngjae is at his table while Jaebeom just lies on the boy’s bed. He is used to it, watching Youngjae do whatever he decides to do, he likes observing the younger boy’s serious face. Tonight it doesn’t help him with his thoughts, Youngjae looks at him frustrated and sighs, “I can hear your thoughts, come here,” 

He taps his laps and Jaebeom doesn’t like being clingy, he is clingy, but he doesn’t like to show it. That’s all the invitation he needs though, he goes to Youngjae sitting in his lap, back to the other’s chest. Youngjae hugs his waist and waits for Jaebeom to say something, he doesn’t ask, Jaebeom takes his time to put together what he wants to say.

“The days at the vet clinic… they can be too much sometimes,” Jaebeom isn’t a vet yet, it will take at the very least two more years, he was lucky to get the job at the vet clinic. Even though all he does is help to put the animals in their cages, hold them or feed them, it was enough for him to get used to how his future would be. Even if he wasn’t a doctor yet he grows attached to every pet there, he loves them, that’s why it hurts. “Some pets don’t get their happy endings, they don’t get to go home.”

Youngjae nods on his shoulder, his voice too sweet, almost unlikely him. “Was it one of these days?” 

“Yeah…” he stares at the computer screen in front of him, it reminds Jaebeom of the night he came back home and asked Youngjae to fuck him. It was nothing like that night though, this time Youngjae wasn’t playing he was studying, this time Jaebeom wasn’t horny and needy he was sad, he just wanted it to go away. “I don’t know if I want to keep doing this. I mean vet school, it’s not always as good as I thought it would be.”

“You thought you would be a hero and save every animal in the world?” It’s not an accusation yet it hits Jaebeom like one, because that’s exactly what he thought would happen. He wouldn’t let any pet die and they would all get to go home with their families. “It’s not wrong to want to save the world, why are you embarrassed?”

“Because it is dumb, it’s impossible to do it. I can’t give them the life they deserve, it’s so dumb I’m not even a doctor yet and I’m already freaking out,” Jaebeom is a little startled when Youngjae interlocks their hands together. It’s such a simple touch, they have done way more than that but his heart speeds up like crazy. 

“Not dumb. Of course, it hurts, losing a patient, how could this not hurt a human being? But, at the end of the day, you will save so many lives, you will be a good vet that loves every animal. And… even the ones you lose you gotta think about how they went with dignity, how you helped them with the pain so they wouldn’t suffer more in the end.”

Jaebeom is glad Youngjae doesn’t say they go to a better place, he hates hearing such things. But he has never thought about how a vet can give the animals a good treatment, make sure they aren’t in pain, and that they fought to live even if they don’t get to save them. 

“Thank you,” Jaebeom throws his head back so he can rest it on Youngjae’s shoulder, he is sad, it won’t go away that easy, but he feels a little better about what he is doing. He wants to be a good vet, he feels Youngjae’s hands squeezing his own in reply. 

And then there’s the pull in his stomach that he has been feeling a lot lately, but this time it’s like the thing is squirming as if something is growing there. It’s always when he is with Youngjae or thinks about him and he doesn’t feel like anything could go wrong. 

“I think I really lo--” Jaebeom catches himself before he can say something he will regret, his eyes almost jumping out of his face and he sits straight.

“You what?” He heard Jaebeom, of course, he had to. 

“Nothing, I really need to study. I’ll go take my books, be right back.” Jaebeom says everything way too fast for it to sound natural but he doesn’t care. He almost says he loves Youngjae again when he turns to kiss him, he has no idea where this is coming from. 

So he runs out of the room, but he doesn’t go to his own room to take his books, instead, he goes to Jinyoung’s room, not bothering with knocking. At least his friends aren’t doing anything weird, they are just studying. Jackson makes a face at him but Jinyoung doesn’t care. 

“Jackson, I’m sorry for how I talked to you earlier. Also, sorry for asking this but can I talk to Jinyoung… privately?” And at that Jinyoung does look away from his notebook and raises a brow at Jaebeom. 

“You alright?” Jackson is always kind enough to worry about him, Jaebeom makes a mental note to buy him green tea later. He nods at his friend, “okay, don’t be too long though I need to study.”

Not as if he can’t study somewhere else but Jaebeom doesn’t comment on it. “So,” Jinyoung says when the door is closed after Jackson, “what can’t you say in front of Jackson?”

“Don’t say you told me so, that’s not what I’m here for… I almost told Youngjae that I love him,” Jaebeom whispers, afraid someone will hear them, Jinyoung is so unimpressed that it bugs. “Did you hear me?”

“I did, that’s it? What’s wrong with saying that?” Jaebeom can’t believe his friend doesn’t see the gravity of what he just said. 

“Jinyoungie! I didn’t even realize I had any kind of feelings for Youngjae ‘till two minutes ago, I can’t go saying that without thinking,” 

“You can’t be serious, you made Jackson leave so you could bullshit me, well bullshit both of us. It’s not possible that you just realized that when everyone around you already knows,” Jinyoung expects something from him but Jaebeom can’t talk, can’t think of anything. “You are serious. Jesus, Jaebeom, you two act like you are married, not even Jackson and I act so dumbly as you two.”

“But--” it was natural the way they acted, it wasn’t out of love it was just natural for them. They were friends and they spent too much time together, it was normal to grow attached, it was not normal to feel stupid butterflies in his stomach or to want to kiss the life out of his friend while telling him how much he loves said friend. “I-- how?”

“God, you are so stupid. You’ve probably been in love with Youngjae since you met him.” Jaebeom shakes his head, hell no, that he would have noticed. “You don’t think so? Well, let’s see then. You don’t warm up to strangers easily but it took you five seconds to agree to Youngjae moving in, then you were overprotective of him for no reason like literally no one could say anything about him that you would be throwing hands. Then it was you wanting him to tag along wherever we went and actually paying for his tickets.”

“That’s-- I like him, he was a warm person, we clicked.” Jaebeom doesn’t know why he is even trying if he already admitted to being in love with Youngjae. 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, he is done with Jaebeom’s bullshit. “He is warm but he is also a brat. At first, I wasn’t sure about it myself. I was worried you would mess up things with him when you two started this thing... but seeing you cook for him almost every morning, treating him in the disgusting way you do, it was clear it was already too late to do something. You’ve been in love with him since the start,”

Jaebeom wants to suffocate himself with Jinyoung’s pillow, “I’ve loved him for so long?” It sort of makes sense, Jaebeom knows he doesn’t have a soft spot for anyone else, Youngjae has always been his favorite person since they met. The reason should be obvious. 

“Yes, you have. It’s pathetic that you just realized it now but I guess it’s better now than never. Just deal with your feelings, you’re too old for this denial thing. Now, can you please let me study and tell Jackson he can come back?” Jinyoung says, bored already. 

Jaebeom wants to protest some more but it feels useless, he leaves and he wants to hide in his room, what will he do with himself? He has never loved anyone, he doesn’t know how to deal with it, he doesn’t even know if he should tell Youngjae about his feelings. If Jaebeom tells him he might ruin things between them, they are not just friends as it is but feelings weren’t in their deal. He wasn’t supposed to fall, but it turns out he had fallen way before they started hooking up. 

“Did you go to the library to get the books?” Youngjae mocks when he goes back to his bedroom, he didn’t want to come anymore but it would be suspicious if he didn’t. 

“Jinyoung was talking to me about some shit,” it’s not a complete lie since he was with Jinyoung. Jaebeom leaves out the part where he was freaking out over the fact that he loves Youngjae. 

He sits at the bed and opens one of his books at a random page, it’s impossible to study with everything going on in his mind, so just pretend. Jaebeom can’t stop looking at Youngjae, it sort of makes sense if he thinks about it the way Jinyoung pointed. The moment Youngjae showed up Jaebeom said he should be their new roommate, he even insisted on the boy getting the best room of the apartment. 

Jaebeom would also buy him gifts for no reason, just things he looked at and would remind himself of Youngjae. Youngjae was also the only one that would get lifts for work or class, they didn’t spend so much time together but it only took them spending the night together for it to change. Now it was always Jaebeom and Youngjae, they acted like they were a couple since the first time they fucked and he hadn’t even realized it. 

That’s why he was so attracted to Youngjae when the boy went to the nightclub with them, that’s why he didn’t even hesitate, thinking if it was the right thing to do. He was already so gone, “I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Is it that hard? Do you need me to, I don’t know, maybe make flashcards for you?” Youngjae looks at him and he is sincerely worried about Jaebeom having a bad time. 

It’s goddam sweet, Jaebeom needs him to stop being so nice, maybe that will help him figure what to do next. “It’s alright, sorry,”

He comes home to find Youngjae scribbling on a piece of paper, there is paper all around the living room. “What are you doing?” 

Jaebeom was grocery shopping so he has his hands full of plastic bags that he puts on the table and goes back to the living room to sit with Youngjae. “On top of having to study, I have to plan the week’s lessons. I’m glad this is just to earn some money,” 

“It’s late, why won’t you take a shower. I’ll make dinner and you can finish after you eat, I’m sure your brain will work better after a shower and hot food,” he kisses Youngjae’s cheek, he is so used to it, but it’s just now that he knows why he always does it that it starts to become meaningful for him. 

“You will make dinner? That’s weird,” Youngjae narrows his eyes at him.

It’s not weird, or maybe it is. Jaebeom, shouldn’t waste time making dinner when he has a lot of stuff to do. Yet, he’s been looking up receipts to make Youngjae food that he will actually enjoy eating and not just the variation of pancakes and waffles. He even went to the supermarket before coming home to buy the things he will need. “Can’t you be grateful and thank me for taking care of my b-- you?” 

All the time Jaebeom has to stop himself from spilling something, it’s getting ridiculous. It's like his brain wants to ruin his life. It’s always him wanting to say he loves Youngjae or call him his boyfriend. It makes Jaebeom want to hit his head and get amnesia so he will stop this madness. 

“Alright, do something good. I won’t lie just to spare your feelings,” Youngjae says smiling as he gives Jaebeom a final kiss and heads to the bathroom. Jaebeom looks at the papers Youngjae left on the couch, he can’t understand shit of it, but somehow he likes looking at his handwriting. 

He finally walks to the kitchen so he can start cooking, it’s not even something hard and yet Jaebeom is nervous he will mess up everything. He is supposed to make fried rice with chicken, vegetables, and peanuts, at least that was the plan but when Youngjae comes back from the shower he is still trying to figure out how to cut things properly. 

“Do you need help with it?” Any other time Jaebeom would accept it, he is having a hard time but Youngjae’s tone is teasing. In addition to that Jaebeom wants to do that by himself so Youngjae will eat his food and actually enjoy it. 

“I can do it by myself, just relax,” it takes him way longer than necessary to even start cooking. Youngjae watches and sometimes even snaps pictures, Jaebeom tries to be mad about it but he’s pleased with himself for some reason. 

The food doesn’t turn out beautiful, he can’t pretend it does but Youngjae snaps a pic of it as well. “So you will remember the first time you made rice, and it turned out this ugly,”

“If you don’t have anything nice to say just be quiet,” but he is not mad, not really. 

Youngjae laughs, then he starts to eat and it’s good seeing how surprised he looks. “Oh, I have something nice to say alright. This tastes so damn good, how is that possible when you were the one who cooked?” 

Jaebeom feels stupidly happy because of a single compliment even if it’s on Youngjae’s weird way of compliment. They eat talking loudly, Youngjae isn’t in a bad mood anymore he is all smiley and will keep touching Jaebeom. This is one of the signs to know if someone likes you, Jaebeom can understand why now.

“I’m going to miss this,” Youngjae says while he does the dishes, Jaebeom offered to help but he said that was the least he could do. “Not doing the dishes but this, eating with you, that’s nice.”

Jaebeom doesn’t understand what he is talking about, fear creeps inside of him, “what does it mean?”

“What does what mean?” Youngjae looks at him, his hands white with soap, it’s not distracting enough. “Means I will miss you,”

“But why? I mean we live in the same apartment, how are you going to miss me?” It’s not just being confused, Jaebeom is really scared Youngjae means that he had enough of them fooling around and that they should go back to being just friends. Why would he say that he will miss it, then? He is lost in thoughts when Youngjae sits in front of him again, hands back to normal without any bubbles on it.

“Jaebeom, you know I’m going home for summer, right? I usually can’t go on Winter Break, Summer is basically the only time I have left to see my family and Coco. Also, my parents need help finding someone new to the restaurant,”

This isn’t as bad as Youngjae telling him they won’t keep doing whatever it is that they do, of course, it’s nothing compared to it. But Jaebeom doesn’t want him to go, he doesn’t want to be away from Youngjae for so long. He won’t even go home himself, he will work full-time this Summer so he can save up some money. “Huh, I didn’t really think about you leaving, to be honest,”

“Oh, that’s why you look down all of the sudden? Will you miss me a lot?” Youngjae smirks. 

“Terrible so,” he doesn’t care if it comes out too honest, too whipped, Youngjae’s smirk vanishes, he looks surprised by Jaebeom’s words as if he wasn’t expecting to hear it. 

“I’ll be back in two weeks, three tops, you won’t even notice it,” Jaebeom knows it’s impossible for him to not notice it though. He’ll feel every second without Youngjae here, but there’s nothing he can do about it, it’s not like he can ask Youngjae to not go home. The boy misses his dog a lot, Jaebeom is pretty sure that’s the main reason why he is so willing to go home. 

Just as he said it was easier for Youngjae to work on what he had to do now that he relaxed a bit and distracted his mind. Jaebeom still had a lot to study, it was past three in the morning when he gave up on it and went to bed, he was exhausted. When Jaebeom lied down next to Youngjae and closed his eyes all he could think was about small birds’ organs, that was literally nothing dumber for him to study. He just wanted to sleep yet the random words kept popping on his head. He regrets taking this class.

“Can’t sleep?” Youngjae mumbles from his side, the boy came to bed a little before Jaebeom but he wasn’t asleep yet. 

“No, the damn birds won’t stop chirping in my head,” he complains, turning on the bed again. Youngjae laughs at it, it’s not funny, he probably has no idea what Jaebeom is talking about. 

Youngjae turns as well so he can hug Jaebeom’s middle and drop a kiss on his jaw, “you have to be up in five hours. You should get some sleep,” before Jaebeom can protest that he is trying but he just can’t, Youngjae kisses his jaw again this time with his mouth open so Jaebeom can feel his hot tongue on his skin.

  
  
  
  


Jaebeom freaks out for a week, he is pretty sure Youngjae notices it but he never admits what the problem is. He doesn’t even think he should be freaking out, it’s too late anyway. But he needs to know if Youngjae likes him back before he starts thinking about telling him his new discovery. “How do I know if someone likes me?”

“What do you mean ‘someone’? If this is about Youngjae I’ll resign our friendship contract, it’s not normal for someone to be this oblivious,” Jinyoung says as they walk through the campus together. “Just ask him if you can’t figure it out by yourself,”

Jaebeom is horrified at the suggestion, he can’t imagine himself asking Youngjae if the boy likes him. Just the thought of being rejected makes his heart tighten on his chest, he will have to think about something else. He knows he should be focusing on his finals, he still has a lot to study before his so earned break. Jaebeom googles ‘how to know if someone likes you’, and it’s so embarrassing he needs to close it as soon and the results come up. 

It’s all things he has been doing, well they have been doing but he played a big part in it. If it was Youngjae looking it up he would be able to tell that Jaebeom is in love in the same second. This is not helpful at all, Jaebeom wants to know for sure how Youngjae feels about him, he will need to come up with a plan. 

“What are you doing?” He gets no reply for a while, Youngjae too busy sucking at his jaw as if it’s a game for him. His lips travel through his neck and ear, “babe, seriously I should sleep,” 

The endearment term has slipped from his mouth more times than he can count, Jaebeom doesn’t care about it anymore. Youngjae never said he should stop so now he doesn’t mind calling the other boy ‘babe’. “I know you should, I’m trying to help. Dumbass,”

“Help?” But again Youngjae ignores him, he bites hard at Jaebeom’s neck licking it apologetic when the older cries out softly. Jaebeom’s body is starting to react to Youngjae’s ministrations as the boy keeps his lips on his skin and his fingers under Jaebom’s shirt, caressing his abdomen, going up to his nipples and playing with them slowly. 

He is way too tired to do anything, to help Youngjae with what the boy is doing. Jaebeom only lies submissively as he gets all the attention, there’s nothing else in his mind other than the touches Youngjae gives him now. He is trying to focus on something, be it on Youngjae’s mouth or on his hands, he can’t, the boy starts to roll his hips a bit on the side of Jaebeom’s hips as he puts one leg over him. It’s too much for him, his blood is rushing to his lower body way too fast. 

“You know I’m worried,” Youngjae tells him, Jaebeom can’t even think of asking what he is talking about. He just wants Youngjae to keep going with his hands, they are getting lower and lower. He wants them to get in his shorts already. “When I’m not here, I won’t be able to mark this pretty skin. How will people know,” 

Jaebeom bucks his hips a little trying to find some kind of friction, not that it works, Youngjae isn’t paying his dick any attention. “Please, no teasing tonight, just get me off.” A few minutes ago he wasn’t thinking about sex at all, now all he wants is to have his dick touched, he needs it more than anything. 

“You’ll have to let people know, Jaebeom. Even when I’m not here, even when I can’t leave lovebites on you, you need to let them know you belong just to me now,” as the words leave his mouth Youngjae gives the juncture of his neck an extra hard bite. It’s all too much, Jaebeom is leaking in his shorts already. He can feel that Youngjae is hard as well, dick pressing up against his hips, it’s driving Jaebeom insane. 

“Will do that, say that I’m yours-- just, please… please,” Youngjae takes his hands off Jaebeom and the boy is about to cry a complaint when he hears the bottle of lube being opened. Youngjae uses the hand that isn’t smeared with lube to lower Jaebeom’s shorts just enough to free his dick, he slides the other hand over Jaebeom’s length as soon as it is out. 

“Yeah, you’ll be good? I should be good for you as well then,” Jaebeom doesn’t even understand what he is talking about anymore. All he can pay attention to is how Youngjae’s fingers feel right around his dick, he strokes Jaebeom slowly, way too slowly and tight for it to not be painful. His fingers will press against his slit from time to time just to make Jaebeom moan loudly. 

Youngjae will fold Jaebeom’s balls in his hands, just to go up again with the small shorts strokes, he isn’t expecting it when Youngjae twists his hand tightening his hold on him even more. That’s when he starts to pick up a rhythm, going a bit stronger. Jaebeom has had his eyes closed since he lied down, he makes an effort to open them so he can look down at what Youngjae is doing. 

He finds the boy already looking at him with awe in his eyes, he smiles angelically at Jaebeom as if he isn’t giving the man a handjob, it’s twisted. Youngjae kisses him, not a passionate kiss, just a peck in his lips, then he makes a small circle with his index and thumb sliding it up and down Jaebeom’s dick. “Don’t you wanna fuck it?” He makes the circle impossible tight, Jaebeom doesn’t think about it, he starts to fuck into it as if his life depends on it. 

Youngjae goes back to licking and sucking at Jaebeom’s neck and collarbone, and Jaebeom needs to close his eyes again as the pleasure starts to be too overwhelming. Pressure builds up in his lower stomach, he is moaning as lowly as he can but sometimes loud cries will escape his mouth from time to time. 

“Like that, keep going, Jaebeom. Cum in my fingers, make a mess out of it, you deserve to feel good. Come on, babe,” Jaebeom isn’t sure if he heard it right or if his brain is playing pranks on him but it’s enough for him to start slamming his hips up and down on Youngjae’s fist like crazy. 

The boy is making it incredibly tight as he closes all his fingers around Jaebeom, moving his hand to the same rhythm Jaebeom is moving. It’s too soon for him to cum but it doesn’t matter, Jaebeom bites down at his lower lips as he cums all over Youngjae’s hand. His body is shaking and he has no pace anymore, his body moving the way it decides to. Youngjae doesn’t stop stroking him though, it’s a wet mess running down Jaebeom’s crotch. 

Jaebeom cries a desperate plea to Youngjae to stop, the boy lets go, giving him another peck in the lips. “You good to sleep now,” Youngjae tells him, Jaebeom wants to help him out but he can’t quite move his limbs. He can’t even open his eyes, they are too heavy and sleep is coming way too fast for him. 

He barely hears Youngjae’s small moans by his sides, he falls asleep to the sound of him panting strongly. It’s a dreamless sleep but when he wakes up he is just so well-rested. 

In the next few days, Jaebeom can’t forget about what Youngjae said about others knowing Jaebeom is only his while he is not around. They keep on giving each other handjobs before bed, Youngjae does it more often since Jaebeom will pass out most of the time. But it’s a good way for them to fall asleep and to have some contact now that they are busier, still, Youngjae never mentions what he said on the first night again. 

It won’t leave Jaebeom’s mind though, he thinks about turning down other people because he is with Youngjae even if they aren’t really together. He would do it anyway, not because they are fucking or because Youngjae asked but because he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. That’s when Jaebeom has an idea to find out if he and Youngjae are on the same page. 

If it goes the way he expects it to go Jaebeom will confess to Youngjae before the boy leaves for Summer. 

“What I need to do again?” 

Jaebeom huffs already losing his patience, he has explained it to Jongin a thousand times already. Since he is supposed to meet Youngjae at the coffee shop near his building and drive him home he thought it would be easier to have Jongin talking to the boy there, and well, hit on him. “Jesus, you just need to go there and talk to him, ask if he wants to go out with you or something. 

“I don’t know how though. I’m straight, Jaebeom, you know that.” Jongin is one of the most handsome men Jaebeom has ever seen in his life, they’ve been taking classes together since last year. Jaebeom is just asking for his help because he knows that saying ‘no’ to someone that looks like him would be hard. “Also, I have a girlfriend, I don’t know how to hit on men.”

“Are you dumb or something? It’s the same as hitting on women, you just need to talk, it’s not that hard.” 

“Hey, man, I’m helping you here,” Jongin says, annoyed at Jaebeom’s loss of temper. 

“Oh, you’re helping me? So I guess I don’t need to pay you back by helping you with your final presentation then,” Jaebeom is getting even more annoyed, he is about to give up on this plan. He doesn’t think he should be doing this but again it’s the only way he can actually find out if Youngjae is as into him as he is into the boy. 

“Alright, I’m going,” then Jongin enters the coffee shop and Jaebeom can’t see what he is doing. He wishes he could watch but Youngjae would catch him and that would be something hard to explain. 

Jaebeom waits nervously as the other takes his sweet time inside. Jongin only comes back after ten minutes, it’s way too long, he is holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. 

“Here you go,” he hands Jaebeom the paper, he looks at Jongin confusedly, having no idea why he handed it to him. “It’s his number, I don’t intend on calling him so,”

“He gave it to you?” Jaebeom feels his heart shatter in a million pieces when the other man just nods a ‘yes’ to him. He can’t believe Youngjae would do that, of course, he asked Jongin to hit on Youngjae but he didn’t think it would have this outcome. Jaebeom truly believed Youngjae would turn him down, it’s not as if they are dating or anything so Youngjae can talk to other people. 

Youngjae wouldn’t go out with anyone without telling Jaebeom first though, he is sure of it. But just the fact that he would consider someone else... why would he act as if Jaebeom had to be just his then? 

“You’re alright, man?” Jongin seems to be a bit empathetic now, he looks at Jaebeom with pity as if he is understanding what is going on. “Are you two together?” Jaebeom doesn’t have time to reply or to look at the paper in his hand, Youngjae is walking out of the coffee shop and he spots Jaebeom with Jongin. Face darkening. 

“I’ll help you out with that presentation, now go away he is coming over.” Jongin is dumb enough to look behind his back and nod, now there’s no way that Youngjae didn’t recognize him. At least he walks away before Youngjae gets to them. Jaebeom folds the paper and puts it in his back pocket before Youngjae can notice the thing. 

Youngjae is in front of Jaebeom but he keeps his eyes on Jongin’s back, it just kills Jaebeom a little more. He wished Youngjae was in love with him the way he is, or maybe just a little bit would be enough. “Fucking asshole,” 

“Asshole?” Jaebeom asks distractedly, as Youngjae kisses his cheek, it doesn’t feel right the way it used to feel. “What are you talking about?”

“It could be you since you’re more than twenty minutes late, but it’s that fucking boy you were talking to. Why the fuck were you even talking to him?”

“Why is he an asshole?” He asks, not understanding what is going on, is Youngjae trying to pretend he didn’t flirt with Jongin?

The boy pouts annoyed, “he was hitting on me and couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. If you only had gotten in here at the right time he wouldn’t have annoyed me,”

It’s his fault that Youngjae gave Jongin his number then? Somehow it is since Jaebeom was the one behind it, but Youngjae gave his number because he wanted to. It’s weird though that he will tell Jaebeom the truth about Jongin hitting on him but lie about telling him ‘no’. Youngjae isn’t a liar, he wouldn’t pretend to do something he didn’t do. 

“He is my classmate, we take a lot of classes together. We were talking about one of his projects,” Jaebeom says slowly as he stares at Youngjae, the boy makes a face at it saying Jaebeom should hang out with better people. 

They drive home, Jaebeom barely opens his mouth all the way while Youngjae won’t shut up about coming home to see his dog. He is excited that he only has one more exam before he can go home. Jaebeom can’t stand hearing about the white little thing anymore, he wishes Youngjae would just be quiet already. 

It’s easier when they are at the apartment because Youngjae needs to study so he is in silence for once. Jaebeom tries hard to study too but his mind is a mess, thoughts of Youngjae with Jongin together making him hiss silently. It’s not like that would ever happen, his classmate isn’t interested in men, but if it was anyone else it would. 

He doesn’t want to go to bed when Youngjae goes, he knows what happens at night and as much as Jaebeom wants to feel Youngjae, to forget about what happened he can’t pretend he isn’t hurt. “You good? You’ve been quieter than usual,” Youngjae says worried as he plays with Jaebeom’s hair. 

“I’m good, just thinking. When are you leaving?” Not as if he wants Youngjae to leave, but now he kinda looks up to it, Jaebeom wants to see how well he holds up without the boy around. 

“Tomorrow at 1 PM, right after my last class.” Youngjae’s voice gets lower, Jaebeom can feel how his body is getting closer and closer to his. He wants to run away. 

“1 PM? I-- why is that? Why do you need to leave in a hurry?” Not like Jaebeom can stop caring this fast, not as if he is ready to let go of Youngjae either. 

Youngjae is thoughtful but then he seems to realize the problem, “oh, you will be in class… I won’t be able to see you before I leave?”

“Didn’t you think about that?” Jaebeom doesn’t mean to be harsh, but he hears his tone and sees Youngjae’s expression to know that it came out too strongly. 

“My parents bought my ticket, they just asked me when my last exam was and then they bought it… I’m sorry,” Youngjae sounds genuinely sorry and upset, Jaebeom doesn’t say anything back. Now Youngjae will leave and they won’t even be able to say goodbye, it just adds to Jaebeom’s misery. “I can make it up to you, y’know,”

Youngjae almost kisses Jaebeom but the other turns his head, he knows he is being childish. He should talk to Youngjae about the whole ‘Jongin thing’ already, but it’s just not a possibility. Jaebeom can’t exactly tell him that he asked his classmate to hit on Youngjae like a jealous crazy person, it would become an even bigger mess. But he also shouldn’t be treating Youngjae like this. 

“I’m sorry, I’m too tired for this tonight,” it’s the only night they have left though, Youngjae looks at him so sadly that Jaebeom almost gives in. But it’s not like it would be good to any of them, he really isn’t in the mood tonight. 

He thinks Youngjae already fell asleep, Jaebeom has been staring at the ceiling for hours now. “Can you wake me up before you leave in the morning?”

It startles Jaebeom but he pretends it doesn’t, “huh, sure,” Youngjae nods, and then he turns to Jaebeom, Jaebeom is on his back so he can pretend he didn’t notice. 

“Will you wait?” It’s clear what Youngjae is asking, Jaebeom thinks it’s fucked up for him to ask Jaebeom to wait for him while he is out there giving his number to strangers. Hell, he doesn’t even know what Youngjae will do when he is back in his hometown. 

Jaebeom doesn’t say anything, he can’t bring himself to, doesn’t even nod his head. The truth is that he doesn’t want to say yes, but it’s not like he will go looking for someone else either. He is too deep into this to want anything with others. 

It’s like Youngjae understands his silence, he doesn’t press Jaebeom, instead, he turns to the other side. Jaebeom feels like shit when he wakes up just three hours later, he has to go to class and then he still has to work. He doesn’t wake Youngjae up, Jaebeom cooks breakfast, he doesn’t feel like eating so he doesn’t even touch it. 

Jaebeom writes a note that the food is for Youngjae and if Jackson touches it he will burn all his shoes. As upset and confused as Jaebeom is, he doesn’t want Youngjae to travel with an empty stomach, that’s why he makes more food than usual so Youngjae will eat well. He thinks he will get a text when Youngjae wakes up saying something about Jaebeom leaving without saying something but it never comes. 

The day passes too slowly, Jaebeom only checks his phone after his class is done at 3 PM, Youngjae has already left and he didn’t even wish him a safe trip. The day at the vet clinic also seems to be longer than usual, Jaebeom is counting the seconds to go home. When he finally makes it home it just feels too weird, he doesn’t go to Youngjae’s room, it doesn’t feel right to be there alone anymore. 

It’s only now that everything that happened starts to hit Jaebeom, his eyes burn as they fill with tears, he doesn’t let them fall. His phone vibrates on his hand, Jaebeom sees Youngjae’s cute face, messed up hair looking at him tenderly on the screen, he took this pic right after Youngjae woke up a few months ago. Jaebeom doesn’t know if he should pick the call or not, but it’s not like ignoring Youngjae will solve his problems. “Yeah?”

“Did you get home safely?” It’s the first thing Youngjae says, Jaebeom wishes something simple like this wouldn’t make his inside twist. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you this? How is home? How’s Coco?” He asks even though he isn’t really interested in the answer. 

It’s like Youngjae can tell, “well, you didn’t ask first so I might as well,” silence comes through the line. “So… are you home?”

“Yeah, I just got here, I’m on the bed,” Jaebeom tells him not knowing what to do with his body as he hears Youngjae’s breathing. 

“Mine?” 

Jaebeom doesn’t know why he asks this, why it’s important. “No, mine.” Then the line goes silent again, there’s nothing to say. Youngjae never replied how things are in his house, Jaebeom has nothing else to ask. 

“Alright, I have to go. Thanks for the breakfast, by the way. Good night,” Youngjae hangs up before Jaebeom can say anything back not as if he was going to. 

Youngjae calls him almost every night for five days, Jaebeom is counting. The calls are never long since Jaebeom barely replies to his questions and doesn’t say anything back. Then Youngjae stops calling, sticking to texts that also don’t last long. Jaebeom never calls, never texts back, they stop talking altogether. 

It’s not that Jaebeom wants to be cold to Youngjae, it's just that he doesn’t know how to act with him anymore. Jaebeom doesn’t want to be friends with the other boy. It’s clear to him that he will only settle down for something serious now. If Youngjae rejects him so be it, but he will talk to him when the boy comes back. He will try to forget about what happened with Jongin, it’s in the past anyway, they should start over. Jaebeom just needs to know if that’s what Youngjae wants. 

He waits but then two weeks turn into three and Youngjae hasn’t come back yet, Jaebeom wants to call and demands him to come back already. Every day is tortuous without Youngjae here, his friends keep trying to get him out of the apartment since it’s summer and there’s a lot they could be doing. Jaebeom ignores everyone, all he does is work and comes back home to do nothing in his room. At least he is working a lot these days, getting extra shifts to pass the time. 

It’s Sunday afternoon when Jackson and Jinyoung barge into his room, Jaebeom doesn’t react to their presence. “You know, it’s not because Youngjae isn’t home that you have to live like this, you look a homeless person and this room stinks,”

“Don’t remember asking,” Jaebeom huffs back at Jinyoung, hiding his face on his pillow, it really doesn’t smell that good. Youngjae’s one smells way better, but his smell probably faded already. 

“You need to leave this room, do your fucking laundry, sunbathe. You look like a ghost, come on let’s go out we will help you with laundry when we get back,” his best friend continues. Jaebeom looks at them and sees Jackson taking his dirty clothes from the floor. 

His friend is trying to not get lost in the mountains and mountains of clothes and just about everything else that Jaebeom will just drop in the room instead of putting them away. “It really stinks of dirty clothes,” Jackson says as well. 

Jaebeom rolls his eyes, he doesn’t care, “I’m not going out, you two can go on a date for all I care.” 

“You can’t possibly be this depressed just because Youngjae isn’t here, this is sick. You two should be able to live separated,” Jinyoung sits beside him in the bed. It’s not because Youngjae isn’t here, if he were here Jaebeom would be sad just the same. Maybe not the same because he also misses Youngjae stupidly but still.

He doesn’t get a chance to say so, “who the fuck is Louis? This is such a pathetic name,” Jackson laughs from the other side of the room. Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom look at him confusedly, “here Jaebeom has this piece of paper on one of his jeans’ pockets. There’s just this name Louis and one, two, three… the number nine written ten times.”

Jackson shows them the paper, Jaebeom recognizes it, he forgot to throw it away. It’s Youngjae’s handwriting, but he can’t quite understand why there is ‘Louis’ scrabbled on it and just nine’s. “Is this some sort of code?” Jinyoung asks as he inspects the paper.

“Fuck,” Jaebeom can’t believe this is the same piece of paper Youngjae gave Jongin, but it is, he remembers how he fonded it and put in the exact same jeans Jackson was holding. He wants to punch something, preferably his own face. “You two go out, I need to solve something. I’m so fucking dumb,”

Jinyoung insists that he can do it later and that they should go out now, he pushes them out of his room. He tries to call Youngjae but he doesn’t pick up, the third time he tries the call gets declined. Jaebeom can’t believe he jumped to conclusions without even reading the paper, no one can be this dumb. It couldn’t be that hard to just read the fucking paper, he is about to cry. 

He hasn’t cried since this all started, thinking maybe he would be able to fix things. Now it seems more like a possibility since Youngjae didn’t do anything, but he cries anyways mad at how stupid he’s been acting. He treated Youngjae in such a shitty way for nothing, Jaebeom doesn’t even know if he will forgive him. He only tries calling again once more, when it gets declined in the first ring he collapses in his bed feeling his tears wet his pillowcase that he hasn’t changed in just too long. 

If Jaebeom was depressed before now he’s even worse, he doesn’t talk to anyone at work, the only good thing is seeing the animals there. He plays with the ones that have to stay there, it’s the only interaction he gets. Jinyoung said he will get an intervention if he doesn’t stop with his bullshit by the end of the week. Jaebeom doesn’t give a shit about his treats. 

He doesn’t even know what he is doing with himself, has no idea what he will do when Youngjae comes back. Jaebeom has been waiting for him for weeks but now he is truly afraid of how things will be once he comes back, he ruined something that was perfect. Now he has no idea if something was left of them. 

Jaebeom gets home from work Friday night and he is so different from the Jaebeom that would go out every Friday if he wasn’t working. Now he chooses to stay home watching some dumb romantic movie by himself, he almost feels like Youngjae. He is about to go to his room when he notices the white sandals by the door, Jaebeom stops to analyze them. They are not Jinyoung’s, his best friend only wears black ones, and neither he nor Jackson are too keen on sandals.

He closes his eyes as he tenses up, anxiety making him want to puke. Jaebeom takes slow paces in the direction of Youngjae’s room, the light is on and the door isn’t entirely closed. Jaebeom is about to pass out from the anticipation alone. He enters the room slowly seeing Youngjae’s back to him, he is putting clothes inside his wardrobe. 

Even his back is pretty, it hasn’t been that long but for Jaebeom is like he hasn’t seen Youngjae in a lifetime. The way he is dressed in his high waisted pants that Jaebeom fucking loves, his black hair shining, God, he misses him so much. “Huh, hey,” 

Youngjae probably heard when he got home because he doesn’t jump or scream, he does stop moving though. It only lasts a few seconds but Jaebeom notices as he freezes and then goes back to put his things away. He turns to Jaebeom and that’s really something that takes Jaebeom’s breath away, his small face, clear eyes that seem to be able to read Jaebeom. He gives Jaebeom a tight smile, “hey,”

“You’re back then,” amazing at stating the obvious Jaebeom thinks to himself. “I’ve been waiting for you to come back two weeks ago,”

“Thought you wouldn’t wait,” it’s like a punch on Jaebeom’s stomach, it’s not as if he doesn’t deserve to hear this. He knows exactly what he did, how he acted, he didn’t expect for Youngjae to run in his arms. But this indifference tone is way worse than he could have imagined. “It’s alright, you don’t need to look so pained. You didn’t have to wait for me, it’s alright,”

He sounds so sincere as if he doesn’t blame Jaebeom for what went down in the past weeks. It’s all Jaebeom’s fault though, it’s better if he says it already. “Do you remember Jongin?” 

“What?” There’s not a hint of realization in his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Youngjae, do you remember the guy that hit on you in that coffee shop before you went home?” That seems to be enough, Youngjae nods not too happily, he really hated Jongin’s guts. “I-- it was my fault,”

“How was it your fault that that asshole--” Youngjae stops mid-sentence, mouth opening in a small ‘o’. Then every type of emotion passes in his face, “you didn’t. You didn’t ask him to do that, you’re not the kind of person that does that.”

Jaebeom feels so bad that Youngjae didn’t expect him to do something so low, that he believed in Jaebeom and he decided to act like a jerk with him. “It was not-- we weren’t dating, I didn’t want to test you, it was not that. I just wanted to know if you felt the same way I did if what we were doing meant the same to you.”

“Except that it  _ was _ a way to test me, what the fuck is wrong with you? You wanted to know something? You could have asked me! I don’t wanna look at you right now, you’re such a dick. Why didn’t I pass your test? Enlight me, because you fucking dropped me after it,”

Jaebeom realizes that maybe jumping right into this conversation wasn’t the best choice, he should have prepared things beforehand. “I messed things up, I thought you wanted him. Listen, I’m sorry, I should never have done that. I should have talked to you, but I didn’t and then I figured things out but it was too late--”

“That’s why you called me? Because you figured things out? Oh my God, so if you didn’t you wouldn’t have told me and things would just stay like that? I don’t even know who the fuck are you right now, it’s like you are a complete stranger.” Youngjae is so mad he can see how the boy’s face becomes red, even his ears. Jaebeom never had this kind of anger coming from Youngjae directed at him. He has seen it before but it was never because of him. 

He messed things up so badly. “That’s not it, I was going to explain things to you. That’s what I meant when I said I’ve been waiting for you to come back. It was not just because I realized it was a misunderstanding.” 

Youngjae shakes his head, Jaebeom wants to apologize again but he knows the younger one enough to know it will go deaf on his ears right now. “I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. Pretend I never went to that stupid nightclub and that we never hooked up, forget all about it, because I will.”

“Babe, please. How can I forget it? It’s not possible for me to forget any of it, I love you too much to just forget about everything,” Jaebeom gets closer to Youngjae just to have him walk to the other side of the room putting an even bigger distance between them. 

“Now you’re able to tell me this? After all the times you stopped yourself,  _ now _ it looks like the right moment? You’re a joke,” 

He did notice all the times Jaebeom tried to eat the words then, he never said anything. Never pressed Jaebeom about it but never told him to go away either. It didn’t bother Youngjae, it bothers him to hear it now, but before he was ok with Jaebeom loving him. “Please, let me explain--”

“But you already did. You explained why you were being a dick, I get it. I get it and I want nothing to do with you.” Youngjae seems sad now, not angry, just sad. “We were together, Jaebeom. We aren’t anymore because you broke things up between us, so now fucking deal with what you did.”

Jaebeom is so shocked by the pain he feels, he knew it was his fault, it hurts way more when Youngjae is the one saying it and not the voice at the back of his head. He can’t say anything more, not as if Youngjae would even hear him. Jaebeom leaves the room and that feels so final, like he won’t need to come back here again. He would yell but he doesn’t want Youngjae to hear it, so he just drops himself to the cold floor crying even harder than he did when he found out about the fake number. 

There’s no way out of this, there’s nothing else for him to do, he can’t explain things to Youngjae because there’s nothing else to explain. He heard him and he has every reason to be mad at Jaebeom. Everything hurts so bad, Jaebeom wants to go home and cry on his mom’s lap. When people talked about heartbreak he never thought it was like that, for him they were just exaggerating. 

Now it’s like they don’t even tell you enough about the pain that a break up brings. They are broken up, that’s what Youngjae said. They were together, Youngjae was only his, now he just isn’t anymore. Youngjae isn’t Jaebeom’s, they are nothing. He couldn’t hate himself more, stupid ass with idiotic plans that are good for nothing. 

He cries ‘till his eyes burn and he keeps crying because they hurt too much, Jaebeom sleeps on the floor because he just can’t bring himself to go to his bed. He needs to go to work in the morning, he is so grateful he will get to see some cats and won’t need to stay here being all awkward around Youngjae that he can’t even be upset for having to wake up too early in the morning. 

There’s nothing much Jaebeom can really do, before Youngjae came back home he was trying to cheer himself up with the possibility that maybe it was possible to fix things. Now he doesn’t even have that to hold on anymore, whenever he and Youngjae are home at the same time the boy is locked up in his room. On the rare occasions that Jaebeom does see Youngjae, he either ignores the older completely or snaps at Jaebeom for trying to talk to him. 

It’s pretty clear to their friends that things aren’t good between them anymore, Jackson is the one that tells him about Youngjae’s whereabouts. Jaebeom doesn’t know if that’s something good, he wants to know what Youngjae is doing but at the same time, every little information about the boy makes him just so miserable that he needs someone else to give it to him. Soon Jinyoung forbids Jackson to tell Jaebeom anything about Youngjae, of course, Jackson obeys, he does whatever his dumb boyfriend tells him to. 

At least Jaebeom knows that Youngjae came back home because he will tutor some kids in the last weeks before classes resume. Jaebeom is happy knowing that, it’s just that Youngjae leaving the house every day and coming back late made him a little nervous. Jackson talked to him about not giving up in love or some bullshit like that, and that’s how Jaebeom found himself trying to talk to Youngjae again. 

Youngjae didn’t yell at him or anything, but he showed Jaebeom clearly that he wasn’t interested in him at all. Not even being his friends, not that Jaebeom wanted to just be his friend, but not having him in any way was just too big compared to what they had before. Jaebeom went for spending every second of his day with Youngjae, not even being allowed to talk to him. It was emotionally draining. 

He wasn’t really thinking about moving out, he couldn’t imagine cutting all ties with Youngjae like that. But his life was becoming a living hell, working his ass off just to come home to the loneliness that his bedroom has become. Maybe Jaebeom should go back to partying, that’s the only thing he had before, it couldn’t be so bad to find something to distract himself again. Not tonight though. 

Tonight he knew his friends were going out, a big group of more than ten people, it was a nice opportunity to just let go. But Jaebeom’s day had been so tiring, he just wanted to lie down, and maybe he wasn’t in the mood even to have fun yet. He got home a little later than he usually does when he works this shift, Jaebeom played a bit with the hospitalized pets before leaving. His clothes were all white with fur. 

So after the boy takes a shower he goes to his room, dressing in sweatpants and ignoring looking for a shirt, it’s hot and it’s not like he has a lot of clean clothes in his wardrobe. Jaebeom will need to start wearing dirty shirts or washing them, he doesn’t want to do either. Maybe buying new ones will do. It wasn’t his intention to nap but he thinks he fell asleep for a few hours, what wakes him is a light knock on the door. 

Jaebeom is pretty sure it was part of his dream and he got startled in real life, he puts his hand on his chest trying to calm himself down when the sweet voice invades the room. “Jaebeom… can I come in, are you sleeping?” 

It can’t possibly be Youngjae, Jaebeom looks at the closed door in shock, it really can’t be him and if it is him sure he wants to say something bad. Youngjae wouldn’t go out of his way to be rude to anyone but there’s no other option right now. Looking down at himself Jaebeom notices that he’s still shirtless, “hum, I’m up, just… just a sec.” 

Jaebeom tries to find something wearable but nothing, he tries to smell a shirt that was under his bed but it’s so dirty he can’t identify what stained it. Jaebeom is freaking out but then the door opens behind him, “it’s everything alright?”

And it’s really Youngjae, his big eyes looking at Jaebeom worriedly, his hair is a little wet so he probably washed it. While Jaebeom is a mess, Youngjae is so well put together in his simple shorts and t-shirt, it shouldn’t be allowed, it’s like Jaebeom is even more of a failure than he realized before. 

“I-- yeah, I was trying to find something to wear but couldn’t,” Jaebeom has no idea how to act around Youngjae, doesn’t know if he should make a joke about his dirty clothes or pretend it isn’t even there. He doesn’t do anything just look at the plate Youngjae is carrying, it’s easier to look at it than at Youngjae. 

“This room, Jesus. I’m not doing your laundry but at least give me a sheet set and pillowcases let me fix this.” Jaebeom is so embarrassed but he does as he is told, Youngjae already put the food on Jaebeom’s study table and is taking the sheets that have been on Jaebeom’s bed for weeks. Youngjae changes them making sure the bed looks good, he even fixes all of Jaebeom’s pillows. Then he gets the food, placing it on the bed and sitting next to it. 

Jaebeom can only stare, he didn’t expect to see Youngjae in his room, on his bed not even in a platonic way, ever again. “What is this?”

“When I was sick my mom would let me eat breakfast food whenever I wanted, it was the only way to get me to eat. My favorite was this, double chocolate chip muffins, I’d eat dark chocolate ones but since you just eat overly sweet things I made them with milk chocolate.” Jaebeom just stares, why would Youngjae care about what he likes best or not? The younger rolls his eyes, “come eat,”

Jaebeom sits slowly on his bed, just the plate between them. It feels strangely like a trap. He takes a muffin, not biting it just yet, “and why did you cook me breakfast foo? It’s past midnight,” 

“You’ve been sort of depressed lately. I don’t know you look like an actual zombie, look at your room, dude. Breakfast food is comforting, it doesn’t matter if it’s night or whatever it can always make you feel better,” Youngjae is back at being nice with him, for no reason he is just being nice taking care of Jaebeom because apparently he cares if Jaebeom is sad or not, if he needs some kind of comfort. “If it helps I can make you something else tomorrow night,”

Jaebeom doesn’t really care about the food, Youngjae being here and talking to him is the only comforting thing he needs. He won’t be sad anymore if he keeps doing things for Jaebeom like this, Jaebeom wants to say that but it would just ruin things. So he takes a bite from the muffin in his hand, having to hold off a moan, “oh my God, this is definitely the best thing you have ever made. It’s so sweet, I’m about to drool on it.”

Youngjae laughs happily, Jaebeom hasn’t seen it in a long time, his heart skips a bit at the sight. “That’s probably why it was my favorite growing up, anyway enjoy it. I should go to sleep, I hope you will feel better, yeah?” That’s not what Jaebeom wants, to have him leaving, he wants to ask Youngjae to stay but he can’t. Youngjae leaves the room but doesn’t even close the door stepping back in. “What happened? Why are you acting like this?”

Youngjae can’t possibly not know why Jaebeom is so sad, he has to know that it’s because they aren’t together anymore. He keeps looking though, waiting for an answer, Jaebeom knows he shouldn’t just ruin everything by telling the truth now that Youngjae is talking to him again. But he can’t find it in him to lie, no lie would be believable anyway. “I can’t move on from you, it’s that simple.”

Youngjae nods but he doesn’t say anything, they just stare at each other, Jaebeom sitting pathetically on his bed while the other boy stays at the door. He closes the door behind his back again but doesn’t go back to Jaebeom’s side. “I know I have been mean to you, I don’t think you deserve that. I’m sorry, I don’t want to see you like this, y’know? I really don’t,”

For some reason hearing this is also comforting, he thought Youngjae hated him now and wanted him to have a terrible life. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, he knows things aren’t like that when you fight with someone but his emotions weren’t letting him be rational about it. “Youngjae, can I ask you for something?” 

Jaebeom is sure he won’t agree with what he wants, but ever since Youngjae left for Summer it has been killing him. He just can’t believe how dumb he was to not even enjoy the lest moments they had together, in a moment everything was fine and in the next, he couldn’t even touch Youngjae back. That’s probably one of the things he regrets the most.

“You can ask,” Youngjae nods at him. Jaebeom gathers all his courage walking to him, he doesn’t stand too close in order to not scare Youngjae off. 

“Can you kiss me?” He watches as Youngjae’s mouth drops open, the boy is about to say something, probably to deny what Jaebeom just asked but the older man continues quickly. “We don’t need to go back to how things were, I know that’s not what you want. I just need a last kiss, I want to treasure it, maybe it will help me move on if I have a last kiss to remember.”

Jaebeom is ready for the rejection, he asked it knowing his chances were low. But he had to try as it was his last chance to have Youngjae on his arms, and Youngjae is the one that takes a step closer to him. “Close your eyes then,” again Jaebeom can’t believe his ears, his heart is beating on his throat as if it’s ready to break free from his body. 

Closing his eyes Jaebeom feels as Youngjae steps even closer to him, it starts to become uncomfortably hot in the room. Youngjae’s warm breath hitting his face, Jaebeom almost tells him to stop, that he doesn’t need it because it’s just too much and he is sure he will pass out at any moment. But then Youngjae’s lips are on his jaw, he drops a kiss, then another, and another one, slowly. Jaebeom is pretty sure he is breathing way too fast for it to be normal and for Youngjae to not notice it but the younger doesn’t say anything. 

He is humming, putting the back of his hand over the place he kissed, smearing the saliva he left there with his open-mouthed kisses. Jaebeom’s whole body is shivering, he doesn’t know what to do with himself, Youngjae helps him out by putting his hands on the younger boy’s waist. “Youngjae,” he begs but he doesn’t know for what. 

“I’ve got you,” and Youngjae really does. Jaebeom feels like crying with every touch of the boy’s lips on his skin, he is holding way too tight on his waist but he can’t help it, it’s the only thing keeping him from melting to the ground. Youngjae is making a path of kisses on his jaw, getting so close to his own lips but not close enough. 

When his lips finally find Jaebeom’s ones, the older boy can’t even kiss him back, he wanted it so bad to kiss Youngjae again, in the right way. But Jaebeom can’t move at all, it’s like he froze in time, he can feel what is happening but can’t be a part of it. Youngjae keeps the kiss pretty innocent, just his lips brushing over Jaebeom’s own lips, it takes an eternity for him to pull away though. 

Youngjae keeps his hands on each side of Jaebeom’s face even when he stops kissing the man, Jaebeom doesn’t want to open his eyes, it will be over once he does. He eventually has to, slowly he opens them, they are too watery, Jaebeom barely sees Youngjae’s soft expression. It was better if he hadn’t seen it at all, it just makes his heartbeat go crazy again. “Do you think this helped? Can you move on now?”

How could he? Jaebeom is in love, it doesn’t feel like he just likes Youngjae and wants to spend some time with him. It’s clear for Jaebeom that he would do anything to spend all of his days with Youngjae. “Don’t think I can ever,” he pulls Youngjae closer by his waist, Jaebeom expected to be told to let go but the words never come.

“I was mad, but I think I overreacted.” Jaebeom doesn’t understand why he is saying this right now. “What you did was shitty but I know you are sorry. It’s just… when you ignored me while I was away, I thought you were just done with me, that you didn’t feel anything. It hurt me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to feel like that, I was hurting and I didn’t know what to do,” it’s the truth, it was all too much. And as much as Jaebeom didn’t know how to react to what he thought was happening he never believed it was possible to let go of Youngjae, to not love him anymore. 

“You don’t need to say you’re sorry anymore. I want to forget about it. What I want to know is even with me acting like an asshole lately, are you still waiting?” Jaebeom has rarely seen Youngjae so open, he can read everything in his eyes. Youngjae is scared as if Jaebeom hadn’t just told him that he can’t ever move on from him. 

Jaebeom drops his head a little, kissing Youngjae softly just the way the boy did to him a few minutes ago. At least now he does it right and Youngjae isn’t like him, he reacts instantly, kissing Jaebeom back, fingers pulling at his long hair not too hard for it to be painful. “There’s not a day that I won’t be waiting,” 

“Fuck, let’s do it the right way this time then.” Youngjae kisses him properly now, not the kiss Jaebeom thought he would get when he asked for it, a way deeper and passionate kiss. Youngjae shoves his tongue on Jaebeom’s mouth when the boy gasps at a particularly hard bite on his lower lip. “Where are your towels?”

“Why?” He asks to which Youngjae just makes a face, not in the mood for Jaebeom’s questions. Jaebeom loves to see this face when it’s not really mad at him, just a bit exasperated. “They are all dirty,” 

“Jesus, you’re doing laundry tomorrow, without any help! Now come on, let’s go to my room so we won’t ruin these sheets and at least it smells good there,” it really does, Jaebeom doesn’t care. In fact, he prefers going to Youngjae’s room, he has missed it way too much, the room smells just like the boy. 

Jaebeom is trying to look at everything he missed so much because he misses even the windows of the bedroom. Youngnjae gives him no time shoving him to the bed, Jaebeom is just so happy he is shirtless, he can feel every inch of Youngjae’s skin touching his. The boy is exploring his torso as if he has never seen it naked before. It’s just his fingertips, his mouth too busy kissing Jaebeom. 

They have never kissed this much before sex, Youngjae was more fond of biting, sucking, and licking Jaebeom’s neck and just about every part of Jaebeom. Tonight though he is desperate for kisses, he is sucking Jaebeom’s tongue in such a dirty way, making it so messy, Jaebeom barely gets breaks to breathe. “You’re mine now, and I’m yours. No misunderstandings, it’s just us,”

It’s not a question, Jaebeom feels the need to answer anyway, “yeah, us. Just us,” it’s like Youngjae wanted to hear that, he goes back to his old self. Jaebeom feels as if Youngjae’s mouth wants to eat him alive, it sucks and bites painfully over the full extent of his neck. Even his earlobes get painful bites, he is pretty sure they will be colored tomorrow just like his neck and the skin of his collarbones. It doesn’t matter, as long as Youngjae keeps doing it, keeps rolling their hips together he really doesn’t care anymore. 

“Are all your underwear dirty as well?” Youngjae’s voice is teasing, he is pulling Jaebeom’s sweatpants down just a bit, noticing how the man isn’t wearing anything else. Jaebeom laughs feeling carefree, he wants to pull Youngjae up to kiss him again senseless, but it doesn’t work. 

When Jaebeom pulls him a little, Youngjae stops at his happy trail and starts licking his hair there. Jaebeom had forgotten how the other actually likes it, he usually doesn’t do that though. “Are you crazy?” He laughs again. 

“Yeah, you make me fucking crazy,” Youngjae just stops for a moment but then he is back at mouthing Jaebom’s skin, it’s really fucking crazy. He tries to take Youngjae’s clothes off but the younger won’t let himself be displaced. Jaebeom’s dick is rock-hard on his sweatpants already, he wants them to leave his body completely. 

He has his hands on Youngjae’s head, not making pressure or anything, just feeling how he moves, ‘till the boy finally takes mercy on him and takes off his sweatpants. Jaebeom is all naked now while Youngjae is completely dressed. “Babe, take these off,” Jaebeom pouts, he just wants to see Youngjae’s body, he missed it. 

Instead, Youngjae leaves the bed and goes to his drawers turning to Jaebeom with a bottle of lube and a condom in one hand. “We still don’t need this?” He says as he shows the condom, looking at Jaebeom as he waits. 

“Yeah, no condom, just you,” it’s not like Jaebeom saw someone else while he was feeling sorry for himself in his bedroom. Youngjae smiles brightly at him putting the condom back in the drawer. Before he goes back to the bed he does take off his clothes, Jaebeom had felt it but he wasn’t able to see, now he gets to see how Youngjae is also hard. His dick an angry red color, and it’s all Jaebeom can look at while Youngjae walks to him. 

He missed everything about Youngjae, his chest, the beautiful thighs, his full ass and strong arms, every little detail of his face, and the moles at his back as well. But right now all he could look at what his dick, thinking about having it again, fuck, it should be weird to miss someone’s dick. It is, in fact, weird, but Jaebeom couldn’t care less. 

“I’m gonna rim you, and you will beg me to not stop but I’ll do just that, I’ll stop just in order to fuck you with my dick ‘till I’m the only thing in your head,” Jaebeom would laugh, Youngjae doesn’t have to do anything, he already is the only thing Jaebeom can think about. But the promise makes his mouth dry up, he can’t say anything back, can’t even nod. All he does is look as Youngjae spreads his legs open and drops a kiss on his groin. 

The younger boy takes his time, not really touching Jaebeom’s dick or his entrance. He is whispering something that Jaebeom can’t quite hear, he supposes Youngjae isn’t talking to him anyway. After an eternity of kisses and massages on his sides, Youngjae’s lips go a bit lower, dick completely ignored. Youngjae goes straight to his rim, kissing it lightly.

Jaebeom wants to curse at the touch, goosebumps breaking through his body, he thinks he forgot how it feels way too fast since he isn’t ready for it when it comes. And when the kisses turn into open-mouthed ones the boy is already moaning so loudly he knows he won’t have it on him to keep going for a long time. Youngjae seems to think the contrary though, he keeps his actions slow and well planned. Tongue circling his rim, never doing much more than that even though Jaebeom is clenching around nothing. 

He feels as Youngjae uses his hands on his ass to spread him even more, he tries to look down but the boy’s head is in the way. Youngjae first sucks the rim and then his tongue enters him with the extra help, just the tip of it, Jaebeom pulls his hair so hard that he hears Youngjae hissing. But the younger keeps going, trying to get the tongue deeper inside him, the tight muscle trying to take him as much as it can. He can’t cum just from this, but the pleasure is so overwhelming he is sure he can combust from this alone. 

Youngjae is spitting on his entrance, blowing hot air over it, too many sensations at once, it’s hot and suddenly cold. Tears roll down his face as Youngjae starts to properly fuck him with his tongue, Jaebeom is pretty sure his body’s blood is going all to his dick, that’s why he is so lightheaded. He would beg for more if he could. The bottle of lube gets opened and Jaebeom thinks he will finally get a finger inside. 

But no, Youngjae uses it on the other boy’s dick, stroking him slowly to the same slow pace he keeps fucking him with his tongue. Jaebeom is really about to give up, not that he knows how to do it, but he can’t keep going either. His dick hurts, he just wants to cum but Youngjae doesn’t seem to care at all. He abandons Jaebeom’s dick when he starts to become too loud, Youngjae knows he is too worked up.

Jaebeom remembers he told Youngjae how he enjoyed being edged, this is not the best time for it though, not when he hasn’t been with Youngjae in forever. “I’ll give you one,” Youngjae tells him, Jaebeom is too out of it to understand. He only makes sense of the words when a wet finger tries to open space for it besides Youngjae’s tongue that is back at his entrance. 

It circles his rim before finally breaking inside, the tongue pressure followed by the finger is insanely good. “I-- I’ll cum if you keep this up,” Jaebeom finds the strength in him to open his mouth and warn Youngjae.

Youngjae tsks looking up at him, leaving just his finger inside as he keeps moving it slowly. “You can’t though,” an order, Jaebeom can’t stand it when Youngjae bosses him around in bed. Not because he doesn’t like it but because he likes it too much, it’s too hot. He wants to do as the boy pleases, doesn’t want to do anything wrong. So he keeps telling himself that he can’t cum yet, replaying Youngjae’s words on his mind. 

At least the boy doesn’t use his tongue again, a second finger is added but the tongue doesn’t come back. It’s for the best. Jaebeom couldn’t take how slick and warm Youngjae’s tongue was inside of him without cumming. The boy is fucking him with his fingers, scissoring his fingers so Jaebeom can open up for him, Jaebeom’s body is sweating so much it sticks to the sheets. Youngjae comes up to kiss him and blow air over his face, there’s a glint in his eyes as he does so. 

Jaebeom kisses him, it doesn’t last long though when Youngjae adds another finger he opens his mouth in surprise. The boy doesn’t stop kissing him but he can’t function anymore, the fingers start fucking him slowly but just ‘till he gets used to it, in no time they are fucking him too fast and hard. The slide is easy, as much as Jaebeom tries to keep them inside, he is more than ready. 

He doesn’t need to say so, Youngjae knows his body well. “Think you can get on your knees?” Jaebeom would love that, he really would but he has no strength left in his body. He shakes his head feeling bad that he is disappointing Youngjae. “Hey, no, it’s alright. I just want you, want to be good to you.” 

It’s reassuring to have Youngjae looking at him like that, but he wants to get his orgasm already, he asks what he should do and better than saying Youngjae helps him sit up a bit but not completely. Then he places a pillow under Jaebeom’s back and tells the older man to support himself on his elbows. Youngjae also sits up with his legs spread apart, Jaebeom in between them with his legs over Youngjae’s one. The other boy is supporting himself on his hands. 

Jaebeom looks at the way they are sitting looking at each other, he can see that Youngjae will fuck him while they stare at each other. “This is fucking crazy,” he whispers in disbelief. 

“It will be fucking good,” 

He lets Youngjae keep going with whatever he wants, he gets closer to Jaebeom’s face the best he can. He gives Jaebeom’s nipple a light suck just before he goes back to his position, sitting up again. Youngjae spreads Jaebeom’s legs with his hands, one of them overly slick, he can’t care about it right now. He lets Jaebeom know that he will fuck him as if he wasn’t well aware already. 

So he positions himself lining himself up with Jaebeom’s entrance. As soon as the head of Youngjae’s dick slides into him Jaebeom tries to relax for him, he is used to Youngjae sliding into him fast. But it’s not what the boy wants tonight, he enters Jaebeom slowly, squeezing his sides as he pulls almost all the way out. He keeps small thursts not going all the way in, Jaebeom thinks this is supposed to be a torture and not really all that considerate of him. 

When Youngjae finally goes deeper he stops moving, he seems to be having a hard time as well, if only because of how hard he is breathing and how hard his nails are strung on Jaebeom’s skin. Youngjae moans right at his face when Jaebeom moves his hips in order to make the younger start fucking him already. He really can’t keep doing this for much longer, Youngjae complains that he should wait but doesn’t really make him wait much longer. 

Youngjae moves just a little, not much of his length pulling out of Jaebeom as he thrusts right back in. He lifts Jaebeom’s hips as much as he manages to do, thrusting deeper inside. Jaebeom can’t remember if they ever did it so slow and so fucking good, Youngjae is making his best to stay deeper, hips glued to Jaebeom’s ass. He’s practically sitting on the younger boy. 

At a particularly hard thrust, Jaebeom sees all white, breath being knocked out of him. Way too soon after he started fucking him Youngjae already lost his pace, so he keeps hitting Jaebeom’s buddle of nerves with every thrust. Not as if Jaebeom needed much else to get close, he’s been on edge for a long time now. 

He watches the way Youngjae’s abdomen flexes, this is like working out. Jaebeom can see the lines of his not there yet abs, it’s so damn hot. Youngjae is too hot moving like that, all sweaty, “let me-- please…” Jaebeom moans.

Youngjae drops his weight over Jaebeom making the boy fall on his back, legs circling Youngjae’s waist. At the same time he hits Jaebeom’s prostate desperately, craving his teeth on Jaebeom’s skin, it hurts so much Jaebeom cries out when he does so. It’s too intense, he needs to cum, he sobs on the arm he has on his face while Youngjae just keeps going. 

Jaebeom just needs him to say that it’s okay, he clenches around Youngjae unintentionally, “you can do it now, babe,” Youngjae finally allows. 

To let go it’s the best sensation ever, his eyes roll on his skull, he can’t see anything. All he feels is his body burning and tingling all over, his vision completely white then turning to black. Jaebeom doesn’t notice it when Youngjae cums or when he pulls out, he only comes back to himself when Youngjae turns him in the bed throwing the pillow that was under his body to the floor. 

“Sh, sh, you good,” Youngjae is shushing him with kisses all over his face. Jaebeom doesn’t know why he is crying if he already cummed, Youngjae doesn’t judge him if anything he takes care of Jaebeom. Giving him kisses and trying to dry his tears and sweat, he hugs Jaebeom so hard that it’s almost painful. 

He calms down after a while, Youngjae helps him to take a shower, not taking one is not an option when they are so sweaty and Jaebeom has cum over his entire body. Youngjae also gets the muffins from Jaebeom’s bedroom after he does all the work of changing the sheets of his own bed this time. 

Jaebeom feels like he should at least help, but Youngjae assures him that he doesn’t mind. He feeds Jaebeom even though it’s not necessary, there are butterflies not only on Jaebeom’s stomach but his entire body now. Every part of him is unleashing shock, it’s nothing like the sadness that he’s been feeling in the past weeks. 

“I love you,” Jaebeom whispers, he isn’t sure if Youngjae heard him even though they are in each other’s arms. 

“Tomorrow I’ll help you clean that stupid room, and I’ll make you food ‘till you feel better again,” Youngjae says holding Jaebeom’s face so they can look at each other. 

“I already feel better now that you’re here, I feel good. You don’t need to clean my stuff,” but Youngjae doesn’t agree, he shakes his head and kisses the tip of Jaebeom’s nose. 

“I’ll help you because that’s what boyfriends do, and that’s what we are now.” Jaebeom had already figured out as much when Youngjae said they were each other’s now, hearing the word ‘boyfriends’ is way better than just figuring it out. “And I’ll do it, mainly because I love you. Because I love everything about you and I want you to always be happy. I love you, Jaebeom.” 

The only reason Jaebeom doesn’t cry like a baby again it’s because he already had cried his eyes out for no reason. But he feels something he never felt before, tomorrow he will tell Youngjae just how much he loves him too, just for how long he has been loving him. For now, he settles for holding Youngjae in his arms and kissing him until they fall asleep, he is so tired it doesn’t take many kisses. 

Jaebeom has a smile on his face as he thinks about the food he will make for breakfast in the morning. Youngjae beats him to it. 

**Author's Note:**

> \- this is not the best thing ive written.... but let's share what goes on my mind even if it's dumb  
> \- i just wanted a fwb where they were really friends before, like friends friends so anyway  
> \- thx if u were able to read this entire thing :D im so tired but can sleep now! take care and stay healthy, help someone out if you can <3  
> (p.s.: i love some clingy jaebeom... he gets clingier by the second here)


End file.
